MonsterHunter

If you’re like me, you’ve often stayed awake at night worrying that the pet food you feed your no-good ungrateful cat might be made with ground up people. The Corpse Grinders takes this common fear and makes it into a movie about as good as you could expect when the subject matter is cat food. As befitting the definitive film about humans turned into cat food, this is the special edition which means if you’re really demented, you can subject yourself to director Ted V. Mikels’ commentary on the filming of the greatest movie ever made about Soylent Green for pets. Read More »

At first glance this movie seemed to have everything going for it. It was directed by Eugène Lourié, who unleashed the British giant monster movie Gorgo upon an unsuspecting world. It involved a brain transplant gone horribly awry. It even had a gigantic robot played by a seven foot two inch circus freak running amok in the Big Apple! Once I had seen it though, I was able to see that perhaps all the above-mentioned factors may actually have only been an indication of a deservedly semi-obscure mess that starred Ross Martin. Ross Martin? He was famous for being a sidekick to a short dude! (Admittedly, a short dude who would fight you if you knocked his battery of his shoulder, but short nonetheless.) Read More »

The Clock stars Judy Garland and Robert Walker as a couple of horny dopes who fall in love and get married in two days. In case any of you are under the assumption that this happy little film is anything remotely resembling real life, the following information will be quite depressing. As most of you know, Judy croaked in 1969 from an accidental barbiturate overdose. She was married five different times and her body stayed in a mini-storage facility for a whole year because no one would pay to bury her. Robert Walker was a mental case who suffered anxiety attacks and died five years after making this movie, apparently from a bad reaction to prescription drugs. Before taking a dirtnap, he was married twice, once for only six weeks and he eventually was in the nuthut for over a year after suffering a nervous breakdown. Hollywood is indeed the Dream Factory! Read More »

Holy crap, that was long! Such was my reaction after finishing this one about two days after I started it. Lumbering, plodding, crawling, rumbling, stumbling, and finally bumbling into the endzone after an eternity, this movie (and really, that’s probably too charitable a term for something more akin to second job) will sorely test the patience of even the hardiest of historical epic fans. Read More »

It usually starts the day after Thanksgiving. Well, to be completely honest, it actually starts pretty much as soon as Thanksgiving dinner is over: the debate over which family member will be ruining Christmas this year. The only reason is doesn’t start sooner is because the month of November is consumed by speculation over who is going to be the one that ruins Thanksgiving. You see, in our family, ruining a holiday is just as much a tradition as opening up Christmas presents on Christmas Eve or going to church on Easter is for regular families. Read More »

Two things usually mark Christmas at the MonsterHunter household: someone always ruins it and the present opening lasts longer than Rip Van Winkle’s nap. The ruination of the holiday (and generally of all holidays) is covered in our look at The Man Who Came To Dinner , but I found myself reminded of the lengthy de-gifting process that goes on at my house as I watched Barbara Stanwyck valiantly (and vainly) try to get this Christmas-themed screwball comedy out of first gear. Like the last four hour long Christmas session under my tree, I was wondering when this would be over and who thought it was a good idea for me to drink so much soda before it started. (Trust me - this movie and opening presents isn’t anything you would want to pause.) Read More »

Generally speaking, a movie containing not one, but two scenes of urination would not receive a good review from this viewer. Some things are best left to the imagination. This film though somehow manages to make it work. Read More »

Producer Augusto Caminito is at it again! The man who brought us the most famous Italian Indiana Jones clone ever to use a longshoreman’s hook in The Mines Of Kilimanjaro rents some caves in Tunisia to dramatize the legendary quest for Cleopatra’s lost treasure in Mark Of The Scorpion! If you’ve never heard of Cleopatra’s lost treasure, don’t feel like a moron for letting your subscription to Sports Illustrated For Treasure Hunters lapse because her goodies turn out to be a mostly empty trunk with an ancient scroll and a few ugly gold trinkets in it! Read More »

Oh, to have a dad as cool as Arch Hall, Jr! When I saw that Arch Hall, Sr. had done something like produce and write this cautionary/drive-in exploitation tale about punks that chop up cars, I knew that every kid’s dream at one time must have been to be Arch Hall, Jr. (Except for that name and the greasy hairdo.) Read More »

Right out of the gate this movie suffers from a major handicap: the suspension of disbelief that it requires as it relates to its casting is bigger than the size of the brood that is apparently supposed to be the major selling point of the film. First of all, am I really expected to believe that Myrna Loy would really let Clifton Webb touch her once, let alone a minimum of twelve times? Bickering with William Powell in between solving murder cases, I can buy, but any interaction with Clifton beyond a polite “how do you do” doesn’t really ring true. Read More »

The only question I have is where in the hell was Pig Pen? That stinky little fellow is the only reason anyone watches these adventures of an ugly, bald whiner and his weirdo friends. You would think that Charlie Brown would have the decency to invite his dirty buddy to Thanksgiving dinner, but alas, I guess this holiday is for clean people only. If I were Pig Pen, I’d be glad that I was having my own Thanksgiving dinner down at the shelter or wherever it is that filthy freak lives, because Chuck is usually busy celebrating his big pity party regardless of what holiday the calendar says it actually is. Read More »

This has to be my favorite movie about the Crimean War! It certainly leaves all those other movies like um, the, uh, one where those guys were fighting Crimeans or something, in the dust. Obviously, this movie had a giant strike against it as soon as it was mistakenly sent to me (that Crimean family across the street is probably wondering why the heck they got that Complete Planet Of The Apes Television Series DVD set) since it involved a war I had never heard of. I didn’t even know where this Crimea place was. I assumed that it was probably some country in Africa that changed its name every time some new guy took office after the old guy got hacked up or deported to France. Read More »

Jane Fonda plays sexy “astronavigatrex” Barbarella in this sci-fi sex romp. This is one of those movies where it sounds better than it’s actually executed. The story (such as it is) involves Barbarella going to the planet Lythonian to bring back Earth scientist Duran Duran (that name seems familiar) from the Black Queen. She needs to do this because Duran invented something called the positronic ray which erases people and puts them into the fourth dimension never to be seen again. Read More »

Cary Grant is pretty much on social security by this time and is merely phoning in the same performance that worked so well when he wasn’t 135 years old and when he had material that wasn’t intent on portraying him as a not very amusing dirty old man. Co-star Audrey Hepburn comes off as just a wispy thing with an accent who spends all her time chasing after Cary Grant even though she periodically suspects him of being a cold blooded killer. The supporting cast includes Breath-A-Sure spokesman George Kennedy as well as James Coburn and their villains appear closer to buffoons then to menacing and calculating thieves. And all the hoopla is over three rare stamps! I suppose the guys from my dad’s stamp club would enjoy it, but they do belong to a stamp club. Read More »

The Germans get some measure of revenge on us for their thrashing in a couple of world wars by unleashing this most typical non-epic about vampires, on an unsuspecting public. This is one of those movies that will remind you of early Mario Bava films or any cheap Italian horror movie of the period. These films as you surely by now are aware, are characterized by their stark black and white photography, spooky castles, and good looking babes that turn vampire on you. You will also recognize this type of movie immediately by its omnipresent boredom. Read More »

Normally when a movie claims to be 64 minutes long and the copy I’m watching clocks in at an emaciated 52 minutes, I would be raising holy hell, whining about how I was ripped off, mislead, lied to, and that I don’t need some namby-pamby sissy boy censoring my videos. In the case of Cat-Women of the Moon, however I felt like somebody up there liked me when this crime against nature abruptly terminated its insidious transmission, apparently 12 minutes early. Read More »

I’ve spent the better part of a day after watching this movie trying to figure out just what sort of life lesson I was supposed to have taken away from this tale of a gal from the wrong side of the tracks who hooks up with a guy from the rich side of the tracks. At first I thought it might have something to do with love overcoming the small-mindedness of the rich country club crowd. Then, I thought it could have something to do with that old chestnut that the only cages we inhabit are the ones of our own making. But at the last second, it seemed that there was some of that “you have to be true to who you are” malarkey that only really works in movies and with crazy and/or rich people. Ultimately though, deeper reflection revealed what this movie taught me was that there was reason you never hear about Lana Turner and Spencer Tracy being one of the Silver Screen’s great couples. Read More »

The first time was for his country! And for his crew of blown up strike commandos! And for that little kid named Lao that he promised he would take to Disneyland where the popcorn grows on trees! This time though…it’s personal! Strike Commando returns with his most vengeance-filled mission ever as he beats the Philippine jungles (standing in for the Nam) looking for his mentor, the man who saved his life back when they were both fighting the Man’s dirty little war! Read More »

Do you remember that women-in-prison movie that starred Laura Gemser? And was co-written by Olivier Lefait? And was directed by Bruno Mattei? You know the one - Laura was wrongly imprisoned in the scuzziest women’s prison in Italy and was relentlessly tormented by the evil guards and depraved inmates. Ursula Flores and Franca Stoppi were a couple of Laura’s enemies that made sure her life was hell. And it also featured Gabriele Tinti as the nice guy who found himself battling along side Laura inside the prison. Read More »

He gave us the greatest post-apocalyptic-giant-ratmen-battles-biker movie ever made (Rats: Night Of Terror), the epic crossdresser-battles-zombie movie (Hell Of The Living Dead) and now Bruno Mattei would like to sentence us to one of the all-time scuzziest women-in-prison movies ever! Well, the women-in-prison movie he made right after this one with the same cast, crew, and most of the same story (Women’s Prison Massacre) is also one of the all-time scuzziest, but I’ll leave the debate as to which is actually the scuzziest to the historians. Read More »

Frequently when I’m at one of those Strike Commando conventions they hold a couple of times a year, I hear other fans debating which was their favorite Rebbo moment. For some it was when he fought the big Russian to the death. For others, it was when he fought the big Russian to the death a second time. Still, you have your holdouts that maintain it was when Rebbo burst forth from the water in super slo-mo, screaming and big gun blazing. There’s also a school of thought that when Rebbo was running along the rice fields in super slo-mo, screaming while rockets and bombs exploded around him was perhaps the finest display of Rebbo mayhem in his 100 minute long tour of duty. Read More »

It was 1988. Only a year had passed since Strike Commando had invaded our cinemas and our hearts. Strike Commando fever was everywhere, from guys dying their hair Reb Brown Blonde to an attendance spike at Disneyland following the Strike Commando’s heartfelt endorsement of it to a dying native boy. Almost as easily as he had defeated the Big Russian twice on the big screen, Rebbo had become an silver screen icon along side the likes of Trash from Bronx Warriors and Bronx Warriors 2, the adult dwarf who played the child of a woman in Burial Ground and kept trying to suckle her, and Dean Jones. Eventually, the inevitable question came up for the team behind Strike Commando - what next? Read More »

The year is 225 A.B. The A.B. stands for “after the bomb” and the world is a different place than the one we’re used to in Italian gore movies. Gone are the cities infested by zombies, gone are the tropical jungles infested by zombies, gone are the grottos infested by vampires. All that remains are buildings infested with rats. But not just any rats mind you, but rats that look suspiciously like guinea pigs with a nice bronzer applied. It’s all because of the radiation and the accompanying mutation you understand. It makes you wonder what guinea pigs look like in this new world! Read More »

In any long-term relationship you’re going to encounter that moment where after years and years together you find yourself a bit bored by your partner. You know each other so well that there doesn’t seem to be anything left to discover and even that hairy mole on her chin isn’t endearing anymore so much as just flat out disgusting. When you hit this point and realize that you’ve been calculating how many of the CDs you would get post-breakup while she’s been asking when your back won’t be too screwed up to go back to work, you’ve got to decide whether you want to try and save things or not. Read More »

I don’t think there’s a bigger group of prima donnas in the world than horror movie fans. They just sit around debating the finer points of whether some crappy flick has good gore, wringing their hands over which obscure Italian slasher movie is the best, and ranting and raving about boycotting this and that company until they release some scuzzy movie in its properly uncut form. Even worse are the wars they have over what the aspect ratio really is of some movie no one’s ever heard of. Read More »

If you’ve seen the DVD cover for The Other Hell, you don’t need me to endorse it for you. With “The Bruno Mattei Collection” plastered on it, this baby pretty much endorses itself! Bruno is one of our most dependably prolific Italian filmmakers who dabble in the various forms of exploitation films that country is notorious for. A quick rundown of his credits reads pretty much like a list of low end entries in all those genres: Hell Of The Living Dead, Rats: Night Of Terror, Violence In A Women’s Prison, Robowar. Bruno’s flicks are always the ones you go to after you’ve worked your way through all the better known ones. And usually when it’s all said and done, you feel pretty much like the movie has worked all the way through you, too. Read More »

Has Bruno Mattei ever made a bad movie? Or at least a bad movie that I haven’t loved? The auteur of awful responsible for such varied success stories as Rats: Night Of Terror (the best giant-rats-take-over-the-world movie ever!), Hell Of The Living Dead (crossdressers against zombies? That’s just common sense film making!), the literally excrement-filled Violence In A Women’s Prison, and the impenetrably fantastic mess that was aptly titled The Other Hell, checks in with his take on yet another junkfood genre - the killer shark movie! Read More »

This movie confirmed to me what I always suspected. Namely, that I have really bad taste. How else can I explain that despite the fact that this film was two hours and twenty minutes of silly soap opera trash, I had little problem sitting through all of it? The story of Jonas Cord was little more than incident after incident of him bullying his way through some business deal or other and treating everyone around him like dirt. I didn’t really mind any of it, even though it never amounted to much and was neatly tied up in one of the most simplistic and least believable endings you’re likely to see. (The movie purports to be a thinly-veiled take on the life of Howard Hughes, but doesn’t have the guts to let Jonas Cord have the same finish as the reclusive tycoon.) Read More »

Anytime I fire up one of these hundred year old movies starring a little kid, the first thing I do once I’ve finished watching it is to check out what happened to the kid in real life. I’m always anxious to find out that the child actor in question ended up a drug addict, broke, crazy, washed up and/or suicided. It’s not so much that I wish ill on these people, it’s just that the movie is so much more enjoyable knowing that even though these little twerps are giving their all and holding their own with the likes of Spencer Tracy and Lionel Barrymore, that this is as good as they’re going to get. Can you imagine if the highlight of your life happened when you were ten years old? Ouch! Read More »

With his rakish grin, his prowess with his sword, and the slickest hairdo I’ve ever seen on a pirate, I would feel quite comfortable having Errol Flynn escort my voluptuous fifteen year old step daughter out for a night on the town. The guy just emanates “gentleman.” Besides, you actually have proof that Mr. Flynn was a gentleman as he was acquitted by an all-woman jury of the statutory rape of not one, but two young gals. Was there so little to do in the early forties that young women had to make up bogus sex charges against the screen’s biggest sex symbol? Luckily today, our top stars are too busy denying that they’re gay for us to take seriously the baseless charges of some trailer park hussy (we leave that to our presidents, I guess). Read More »

I know what you’re thinking. “Ugh, another wan Indiana Jones imitation with lame stunts, rickety temples, and treasure that appears to be fashioned from tin foil and one of my grandma’s vases.” And the super studly video box art doesn’t help. “A fortune in diamonds in the hands of the world’s most evil empire!” it screams as a determined Indy clone brandishes his gun while his sexy girlfriend cowers suggestively behind him. A diamond the size of a microwave oven sits in front of them and the whole picture is jacked up beyond shiny belief, drenched in glittering foil! Crap! Harrison Ford himself would tell you it’s got a better cover than any of his movies ever had! Read More »

It’s a fencer’s worst nightmare come horribly true! Three time state champion Alex Freyer is battling for a potential national title as well as a spot on the next Olympic team! During his match after a bunch of thrusting, parrying, and whatever else passes for manly fighting action in a fencing contest, Alex sticks his opponent in the chest! And total disaster strikes! His sword breaks and goes right into the guy’s face! Now disgraced and a pariah cut off from the only thing he ever loved, Alex has no choice but to sign up for the illegal sword fights taking place at an underground club! Is there anyway out for Alex? Any path back to redemption once he has prostituted his fencing gift for mere money? Any chance the viewer won’t be cramping from laughing at Alex’s blonde mullet? Read More »

Robert Altman and Paul Newman team up to give us some revisionist history about America’s greatest hero, Buffalo Bill. Mind you, I have no idea what Buffalo Bill ever did that was so dang great. I’m guessing that he killed hisself some buffalo and Indians or something back in times when that sort of thing could pass for an occupation. Read More »

Back in the mid forties, the only thing required to find fame in the movies was nothing more than some horribly disfiguring disease. How else to explain Rondo Hatton’s brief and unremarkable run as a screen heavy in a couple of low budget horror flicks released during the period? While Rondo’s off-screen life may be entertaining fodder for a feature film (think Ed Wood, but focused on Tor Johnson instead of Eddie), the man’s “talents” didn’t extend much beyond the bulbous and elongated face they used to sell him as a bad guy. Read More »

Shinya Tsukamoto, who wrote, directed and starred in this nightmarish meditation on self destruction, pain, and anger shows us a Tokyo inhabited solely by thugs, broken men, and speed freaks whose only purpose is to prey upon one another. Like the increasingly obsessive behavior and general derangement that Goda (Tsukamoto) slides quickly into following his lover’s suicide, the city exists only to consume itself, a spawning ground of cancerous hate and violence where there is no love, no trust, and no hope. Read More »

The tree roots are alive! The tree roots are alive! Um, I mean they’re more alive than usual. Instead of just laying around doing nothing more than cracking the occasional sidewalk, the tree roots in the forest just outside of Littleton have turned it up to Defcon 4! After eating the lovable dog of the town’s resident old coot as well as a hitchhiker who was trying to escape a would-be rapist (that chick was having a bad day!), these underground uglies have developed a taste for small town goobers! Read More »

Just like I can never get enough of misfits taking on suicide missions to defeat the Nazis, just like I can never get enough of underdog athletes beating evil Russians/big city schools/rich country club puds, and just like I can never, EVER get enough of one cop playing by his own rules to single-handedly bring down terrorist plots against our super sweet freedom-loving country, I also can’t get enough of alien parasites, pods, eggs, slugs, and Martians getting their icky extraterrestrial butts shot, blown up, frozen, incinerated, stabbed, and just generally kicked by a handful of underpaid, underemployed actors that only look vaguely familiar! Read More »

If you’re familiar with the original Cobra Mission, a movie titled Cobra Mission 2 might just trick you into thinking it had something to do with the original classic tale of a POW rescue mission gone horribly wrong. Unfortunately, Cobra Mission 2 spins the mostly unsatisfying yarn about Roger, the best there is at whatever it is he does. (Mainly throwing knives into people and sporting poofy hair that never wilts in the middle of a Latin American coup. In short, the usual.) Read More »

This time all our boys come home! No, really - this time we mean it! Three losers and a guy with a rich wife get the idea to head back to the Nam while sitting in a bar listening to a news report about a POW who escaped to freedom. I should correct myself. Make that four losers. The guy with the rich wife is sitting in the bar with his marine buddies on his daughter’s wedding day. Read More »

I remember back in the early 1980s when this movie played the local drive-in under the title of The Gates of Hell for something like three straight months. I always wondered why week after week whenever I opened up the local newspaper the same gaudy ad featuring a rotting skull stared at me screaming that it had been “Held Over! Fifth Gigantic Week!” when they could have been cycling in some different Italian gore movies. (They probably didn’t want to ditch the killer ad artwork.) Read More »

Widely considered as superior to its predecessor, The Bride of Frankenstein is one of those movies that is probably as great as many will tell you and is not nearly the dreary, serious meditation on the folly of playing God you may have been lead to believe nor is it an old and creaky monster movie that modern audiences will yawn during. In fact, watching this, I was reminded a tad of the Re-animator movies, what with the off-hand treatment of the Monster and the various shenanigans he gets into along the way. Read More »

Being in a particularly self-loathing mood, I decided to self-medicate by watching a movie that while it was actually made by Michele Soavi (director of Stage Fright, star of A Blade In The Dark), the good people at Anchor Bay have plastered Dario Argento’s name all over it, claiming that he somehow is “presenting” this movie to me or something. Memo to Dario: you need to start reading stuff they shove in front of you before signing it, dude. Read More »

Here’s one instance where the author of the book can’t whine about how his precious work of art has been bastardized by the film industry into a commercial bit of tripe not befitting the work of genius that his powerful novel about The Chrsitmas That Almost Wasn’t was. You see, Paul Tripp, the author of said powerful novel also starred in the movie, wrote the screenplay and is credited with coming up with the lyrics to the copious songs that littered this movie like giant piles of reindeer crabapples. (Did you think songs that rhymed “sorry” and “jolly” wrote themselves?) Read More »

Never one to shirk my duties of monitoring the various freakish movie subcultures, I have of late been monitoring one of the oddest, the Disney enthusiasts. Prowling around their online havens, I find that they are a strangely conflicted bunch, at once complaining about the direction of the company with its concentration on computer animation, straight to home video projects and the nonconformity of all their various DVD release packaging (remember - these people are obsessive collectors, so it does make a difference if something is packaged as a Gold Edition, Platinum Edition, or Masterpiece Edition), but viciously slapping down anyone who would dare to suggest that Disney is just some money-hungry company like any other corporation that has stockholders to answer to. Read More »

Fred MacMurray (Double Indemnity) and Claire Trevor both play undercover agents who go down to Mexico to infiltrate a drug smuggling operation. They arrive separately and unaware of one another’s occupation as drug agents. Of course, they are thrust together and each one thinks the other is a criminal and each one is determined to bring the other in without letting on that he/she is an undercover agent. Along the way they manage to fall in love which only serves to complicate things just long enough to stretch this potboiler out to a robust 88 minutes. Read More »

Sometimes I look back on my life and reflect at the amazing and positively fantastical things that I have seen. Mind boggling disasters, assassinations, the collapse of Communism (except in China, North Korea and Cuba), KISS taking their make up off and then putting it back on, and of course the rise and fall of Diet Vanilla Coke. The thing though that causes me the most goosebumps when I sink back into one of my lengthy summer evening revelries is that I actually was alive to see commercials on TV for Michael Dudikoff movies that were coming to actual movie theaters! Read More »

This is based on the classic Edgar Allan Poe work called Danse Macabre. Coming out in the mid-sixties around the same time as all those Roger Corman and Vincent Price Poe films, it was understandable that the Italians wanted in on some of that action. What is less understandable is why they based their movie on a work by Edgar Allan Poe that didn’t actually exist. I’m guessing there’s some spooky, supernatural reason for this. Maybe this is based on a work that Poe’s ghost might have written if the curse that was laid down on his family hadn’t resulted in his castle collapsing into the sea while the strange painting of his ancestor yawned mightily. I think I saw that in a documentary about Poe that starred Vicent Price. Read More »

I’m going to lay it all out on the line for you because I know I’m right. Captain America is the greatest superhero ever created. Oh, he may not be the most popular anymore and the hip kids may snicker at his patently jingoistic attire and gimmick. They’ll probably complain that he’s a dinosaur better suited to an earlier time when good and evil were easy to tell apart. Read More »

I suppose there’s a reality where a movie featuring an evil floating brain named Glyptofane Sex who is intent on preventing Earth from being re-seeded with human life isn’t just an example of the “let’s use a floating brain as a bad guy just because floating brains are intrinsically evil” school of filmmaking. Read More »

This just in from Japan: Today’s youth are emotionally alienated punks who have no direction and are only able to express their unhappiness by pummeling one another with baseball bats! I am so tired of other countries trying to steal our gimmicks! Read More »

You would think that this has all the makings of a film noir to end film noirs, what with the teaming up of Alan Ladd and Veronica Lake with a script by mystery impresario Raymond Chandler. Instead, the thing shoots craps at the end and sort of leaves you feeling cheated. I will have to say though that it took no less than the United States Navy to ruin this movie. Read More »

Here’s a movie that’s signed onto the pro-orphan agenda that certain special interests groups continuously push in this country. It’s one of those do-gooder fairy tales where stuff like suicides and dead kids occur at convenient intervals just so that our heroine can be inspired to new heights of self-sacrifice while the audience is inspired to new depths of self-loathing for ever firing up a movie about a woman who crusades to have Texas’ law about illegitimate kids having to be identified as such on birth certificates and marriage licenses changed. Read More »

The best thing you can say about this old-time serial (and to paraphrase that guy from Slap Shot, “piss on old-time serials!) is that you sure do get a lot of serial for your buck. Of course, after sitting through it for about ten minutes, it becomes quite clear that the worst thing you could say about this old-time serial is that you sure do you get a lot of serial for your buck. At 244 minutes, this baby is only four minutes shorter than notoriously long aneurysms like Liz Taylor’s Cleopatra. For those of you who don’t possess my Rainman-like math skills, 244 minutes is somewhere in the neighborhood of about a week. Read More »

A psychically super-powered Don The Dragon Wilson uses all his clairvoyant abilities to erase my whole memory of this movie! Seriously, I would be watching this movie, mentally noting all the great things that were happening when all of a sudden, BAM! I couldn’t remember them anymore! It was almost as if the awesome things that must have occurred in The Capitol Conspiracy (also known as The Prophet<