Back in 1963 somebody decided that in the wake of television shows such as The Twilight Zone, that what people can get for free every week on TV, they should pay for in theaters and this film was born. Under another director’s stewardship, this could have been a fairly forgettable effort, but Mario Bava (Planet of the Vampires, Baron Blood) shows great command of the camera and a sense of what creates tension, making these three tales of terror pretty enjoyable.
The first feature is entitled, “The Telephone” and as you might imagine, most of the time is spent with a woman answering her telephone and then staring at it. It seems that some guy is calling and telling her that he can see her and that he’s going to kill her. Pretty normal telephonic threats. Here’s my beef with being threatened over the telephone: Why do you keep answering it?
Don’t answer the phone or at least get an answering machine. Heck, today you can get caller ID set up to reject calls that don’t register the number being called from. This way if the psycho wants to bother you, he’ll have to make the effort to do so in person. And isn’t that what we all want?
The second offering is called “The Wurdulak” and features Boris Karloff. It takes place in one of those nameless mountain-type locales where the fog always rolls in with a blue-ish color, horses race through the forest and the women run around in these low-cut, I’m-a-lusty-wench outfits that has the local burgermeister drooling into his beer stein.
A young guy is riding around and finds a dead body in the woods, heads up to a house and sees the dagger from the guys back matches one in the house. Some dude in the house goes, who are you and what are you doing in my house and our boy says something to the effect of, “I’m Count Hunky Von Hunkins and do you have any lusty wenches with low cut tops that display their ample bosoms?” And the guy in the house says, “Do I? Sis, git down here!”
The dead guy turns out to be a Turkish criminal and there’s some blather about him being a Wurdulak and so they also run a sword through his heart just to be on the safe side. I also think his head was missing. Now, at this point you, me and Hunky Von Hunkins have the same question, “where is that sister you promised?”
Actually, we have two questions then. What is a Wurdulak? Well, it seems that it is an undead creature that sucks your blood and has to be killed with a sword through his heart. Huh, never heard of one of those.
Meanwhile, the family is waiting for their dad (Karloff) to come home. He’s gone up the mountain Wurdulak hunting or something, but if he’s not back in five days, that means he’s one of them. He shows up just after five days with the head of a Turk in his bag and he starts looking at his grandson’s neck with more than a passing interest. To make a short story even shorter, the moral is that Count Hunky Von Hunkins should have been watching his own neck instead of Sis’ bazooms.
The final piece in this horror jigsaw is the shortest and best. “The Drop of Water” is one of those deals where the main character does something that makes you go, “oh, that’s too bad, thanks for playing.”
It’s a dark and stormy night and she gets a call from a friend who needs her help. What kind of help? The old countess (Countess Ugly Von Skank) has finally croaked and nobody will help get her ready to be buried so she goes to the old castle to dress up the dried up old biddy and make her presentable.
I had a bad feeling about all this when they showed us her room and there were Tarot cards strewn about on a table. You see, Countess Ugly Von Skank was a medium and local legend has it that she died during a séance and was killed by ghosts angry for being bothered at dinnertime or something!
Our main character spies a pretty blue ring on her hand and before I can open my yap to advise against it, she takes it! Wahh, wahh, waaaaa. She pressed her luck and got a whammy! You can pretty much guess the rest. Flies buzz, water drips and Ugly Von Skank makes a special appearance at the thief’s house.
These stories are short enough that they don’t wear out their welcome. Bava’s visuals are excellent, using shadows, light and color to good effect . He knows when to cue up the music and when to let silence be a character. Quite effective overall, with a mounting sense of dread throughout the film, culminating with the chilling “Drop of Water” story.
© 2011 MonsterHunter
