The gimmick in this movie of course makes zero sense. Zorro is a crime fighting super hero who hassles corrupt fat government officials usually named something along the lines of Don Diego way back in the pre-United States California of the 16the Century. He’s a sly devil who delights in carving the letter “Z” all over the countryside, including the occasional ass of some unsuspecting evil doer. He is also a snazzy dresser, favoring an all black ensemble including hat, mask, and cape. Read More

In the deepest, most remote part of the Amazon, a treasure is hidden! A treasure so valuable that men would kill for it, women would almost have to undress for it, and entire militaries would be destroyed by four people, including a Lebanese treasure hunter, for it! It is an object so chock full of golden awesomeness that an elaborate death trap guards its resting place! Wait minute, this is an Umberto Lenzi movie starring Andy Forest. Scratch “elaborate death trap” and substitute “one poisonous snake” in its place! Read More

As he proved in Pierluigi Ciriaci’s Delta Force Commando II: Priority Red One, erstwhile Battlestar Galactica icon Richard Hatch again proves what a dumb ass I was back in the third grade when I always played Starbuck on the playground instead Hatch’s Apollo. The shallowness of youth being what it is, Starbuck’s dashing manner and bad boy hair proved much more appealing than Apollo’s wet blanket dark haired looks. But years passed, I did a couple of tours in Nam (via Italian movies), was in out of jail, became a champion stick fighter, toured with the Grateful Dead, made and lost a fortune on pogs, and dropped out of mainstream society opening up a dojo for orphans and wild stallions in the pueblos my ancestors called home centuries ago. So obviously, when I saw Beyond Kilimanjaro, Across The River Of Blood, I realized as I watched Hatch run through every emotion he had (happy, sad, horny, tortured, cussing), that a guy who had to take a gig in a Sergio Martino movie no one has ever heard of, but still worked his craft like he was doing Shakespeare in front of the Queen even as he was having his faced repeatedly rammed into a dirt pile by that inexplicably prolific Daniel Greene, was someone to be admired. Read More