What was NBC thinking? A three part science fiction miniseries that didn’t feature space battles and evil aliens? That instead focused on Rock Hudson and Bernie Casey debating the philosophical implications of colonizing Mars? And ended up making the case against our exporting our culture everywhere we went? And more shockingly, featured The Night Stalker’s Darren McGavin in a cowboy outfit and a silly wavy-haired wig? Read More

The details are almost too terrifying to report: a $25,000 budget, a two week shooting schedule, Tommy Kirk, and a TV movie. That in a nutshell is what we have with Mars Needs Women, a movie that can’t hide the low budget, low star power, and the low wattage script that it suffers from throughout. Read More

Mission Stardust is an out of this world space race of bad plotting, deliriously inept special effects, and characters who seem intent on proving to one another which one of them is the stupidest. That interstellar stud Perry Rhodan ended up getting a nice dose of space booty at the end of the film while evil kingpin Arkin found himself chucked out an airlock merely proves that in life, it’s only results that matter. Read More

You’re pulling my leg, right? I mean, I was supposed to laugh when the lead character, General John Gibbs, announced gravely that the real enemy wasn’t the zombies, it was…us. And I’ll bet you wanted me to cringe when General Gibbs shook his fists in the air and howled “damn you Father! Damn you to hell!” after Gibby was forced to plug a zombie kid between the eyes. Read More

After watching this less than riveting tale of a go-go dancer who takes LSD and kills her lovers, the biggest question is whether you should categorize what you’ve just seen as a bad trip or merely a bummer. I would submit that while aggressively lengthy in its pointlessness, nothing beyond the expected community playhouse acting, wooden dialogue, and pasty-sized plot occurs that would induce flashbacks years later. Read More

Thousands of years ago in ancient Egypt a god was worshipped more horrible than any other! His name was something like Hammybooboo and as the centuries passed, the memory of such a terrifying being was all but forgotten! In fact, an expert Egyptologist advises star Christopher Connelly that only two things are still known about Hammy. One was that he was really cruel. And the other? Utter evil! Read More

In the great tradition of other prostitute robot doll movies like Pinnochio, a whorebot is raped by a monster which causes her to become a real live woman! Read More

RKO was guilty of the performing the cinematic equivalent of a partial birth abortion on Orson Welles’ The Magnificent Ambersons. Its 88 minute running time only came about after fifty minutes of it were shaved off by RKO butchers after the film had a disastrous test screening. For some reason they thought they should show this movie to a Saturday night audience after they had already sat through a test screening of the upbeat musical The Fleet’s In! Guess what? People weren’t quite prepared to sit through Welles’ thoughtful meditation on the ending of a way of life and the coming technological boom after watching sailors sing and dance. Read More

Watching films like Lost Horizon with its distinctly “capitalism sucks” message reminds me that those concerned citizens who agonize over all the sex and violence the liberal media are intent on selling our children are completely missing the point. Sex and violence after all, made this country what it is today – great! Read More

Logan (Michael York) is a Sandman. You can tell he’s a Sandman because of the outfit he wears. It’s black with a big silver stripe running across the middle of the chest. In this nightmarish future, it surely instills abject fear into all rebellion-prone citizens, but in our sensible present, it just looks like a pit crew member’s outfit at the Daytona 500! Read More