The Adventures Of Ichabod and Mr. Toad (1949)

The Adventures Of Ichabod and Mr. Toad (1949)

The gimmick with this one is that you've got two cartoons being narrated by old, dead, famous guys (Basil Rathbone and Bing Crosby), one from a book over in Britain and the other from the "colonies" as Bing calls the good ole U.S. of A. This, then is another one of those movies in my favorite genre "films based on books I ain't never read."

This Mr. Toad situation is based on something called The Wind In The Willows, which to me sounds like a real sappy Civil War romance novel complete with mint juleps, cheating sisters and horse riding accidents. Somehow or other (probably because these British people are strange birds who have no dramatic sense) the book is actually about a talking toad and his talking animal pals.

My mama actually bought this book for me once when everyone was still pretending that I was going to learn to read. I remember being naturally intrigued with the notion of a talking toad (though I always hated that frog from those Warner Brothers cartoons), but the fact that this book weighed as much as a two pound dump, had microscopic print and wasn't copiously illustrated with pictures of Toad chatting up his pals led to an unfortunate incident where the book slipped out of my hand while I was reading it in the bathtub. That's what happens when your book is too damn heavy.

Even though I am obviously and rightfully enraged that someone other than Japan Shock Video would put out a DVD with a running time of slightly more than an hour, I would submit that the material making up this rather short affair, aside from the price gouging Disney has going on, is pretty good stuff. I don't say that because it's good for the kiddies or contains a lot of positive messages, but because this movie is the opposite of all that.

I mean the first story is about a talking toad who is completely mentally deranged, while the second one is about a guy with big feet (I think we all know what that means!) lusting after some young hottie while he's supposed to be teaching the town's schoolchildren (he actually makes out with a duster while class is in session). The Headless Horseman, for whom I originally bought this DVD, turns out to be rather peripheral to all this madness and what was supposed to be a good Halloween type DVD is instead one I would recommend when you're sucking down whatever prescription pills you can pilfer from your mom's purse (followed by ample vodka chasers - natch!). It is only then that you can appreciate the sheer genius of a toad who is trading his palatial mansion to satisfy his latest obsession (sleek sports cars ) and ends up doing hard time because of it.

I had seen that Sleepy Hollow affair a couple of times and I remember when this toad thing was on TV, but never watched it, because I figured it was some sissy show where this toad dude sat around having tea parties and tried to trick Tigger into getting him a honey pot or something. As it unfolded and we find Toad's buddies concerned about his poor money management, even going so far as to appoint Angus MacBadger to act as Toad's trustee, I nodded knowingly as Toad ignored everyone's entreaties to control his wild ways, since people are always trying to reign in my high class tastes as well (Fifty bucks for that used Toby Tyler, Or Ten Weeks With A Circus video tape? Best fifty bucks I ever spent!).

Even as Angus is attempting to get Toad's books in order, Toad is out and about wreaking havoc with his new ride, a canary yellow horse drawn cart, pulled by his newest best buddy - a horse named Cyril Proudbottom. Cyril and Toad enjoy tearing through the countryside, all the while singing some awful song that wasn't as memorable as Disney was hoping it would be. You don't believe me? Heck, I'll prove it to you: I can't remember the song's title or how it goes. See how rotten it was?

Luckily, for the lyrically challenged like myself, the Disney braintrust has kindly provided this stupid pseudo-karaoke feature on the DVD where they replay the song and put up the lyrics for you to caterwaul to if you are so inclined. I was pretty much inclined to mash the "menu" button down over and over in a effort to escape a song as inane as you would expect from a shopaholic toad. Since some of you out there are probably going to use this DVD to babysit your kids all day while you're in the bedroom laying your no account boyfriend until he'll give some money for smokes, I think it's my duty as a strong American to issue a parental advisory on this one.

You should be prepared to field some uncomfortable questions about this talking toad character. I know that this is a bit dicey to discuss, but I'll give it to you straight: following their viewing of this, your kids will no doubt come to you and ask why this talking toad wasn't sitting around croaking "Bud-wei-ser" all day with his pals. I'm not privy to your religious beliefs or your beer preference, so you'll have to field that one alone. I just wanted you to be aware of this potential issue in case you wanted to go with something less controversial like The Aristocats or one of those Haley Mills movies instead.

Now even though Toad is galavanting all over the county with Proudbottom, he is what we call an "early adapter." Being an early adapter means that once some cool new gizmo arrives on the scene, it doesn't matter how, but he'll get his hands on whatever gadget no one else has. Even if Toad Hall is put at risk. So when Toad sees a sportscar go by, you know where this one is headed and the next thing I know, Toad is busted for stealing a car.

I'm not going to lie to you. I figured that Toad was probably one of those adrenaline junkies like in The Fast And The Furious or more likely was part of some elaborate car thief/chop shop operation a la Nick Cage in Gone In Sixty Seconds, so I immediately rushed to judgment and decided that Toad was no doubt guilty of this crime. Therefore, I was surprised to see Toad strap on the powdered wig and represent himself with his star witness being one C. Proudbottom. As a veteran of many courtroom proceedings, I would advise Toad not to wink at his witnesses when they take the witness stand.

Toad's version of events (and this is backed up by his horse-faced pal), is that he saw this sweet car at the local tavern, went in and made a deal with some weasels inside to trade Toad Hall for the car and that he didn't know the car was stolen and sure didn't know nothing about the kilo of snow secreted in the wheel wells of the vehicle.

Since Britain doesn't have a constitution that guarantees that guilty scumbags get to walk free, he is convicted and shipped off to prison for a very long time. While in prison, Toad cries and decides that he needs to reform and is determined to a better person when he gets out on parole in 10 to 20. Just when it seems like the system has finally broken Toad's free spirited ways, Proudbottom shows up in drag and has Toad put on a dress, which probably wasn't so alien to him, since he was no doubt someone's toad-bitch in the joint, and they break out together, with Toad ultimately making his escape on a runaway train, wide-eyed and grinning as the coppers try try to pump him full of lead!

So how does it end? No time to tell you! I will just note that at one point during things, Toad takes a shotgun and tries to bust a cap in a weasel's ass. That's one talking toad I'd like to have in my posse!

There's another story here and it's one that we all know. Ichabod Crane is a tall skinny goof that comes to teach school in the sleepy little town of Sleepy Hollow. While there, he runs into the way sexy daughter of the richest man in the county and sets about winning her heart and pocket book. Along the way, he runs afoul of the local hunk, the catchily-named Brom Bones who doesn't really do much to Ichabod, but tell him a spooky story about a headless horseman that appears to come true. (The movie hedges its bets by showing Ichabod married with loads of ugly kids - maybe that's the true horror.)

It's a diverting enough piece and it manages to evoke this era where strange things could possibly happen in these out of the way hamlets, but I have to say it was a bit of a let down after the inspired lunacy of Toad and his compatriots. My vote would have been for a full length flick devoted to Toad and all his mental problems and resulting adventures. I never felt like these two stories really had any reason to be stitched together (the framing device showing us a book being picked out from each country is indicative of how pointless the teaming of these two featurettes were), but they were both pretty funny. (Yes, the sequence in Toad where they're trying to reclaim the deed degenerates into empty headed Tom and Jerry antics and goes on a few minutes too long, but doesn't seriously detract from things).

The extras on this disc are nothing to write home about. You get Lonesome Ghosts, which is an animated short with Mickey, Donald and Goofy battling ghosts. I always enjoyed this one and it's a good one to watch around Halloween, but you wish they would have given you one or two other ones to round out the package. There is another animated short hidden in the disc (you have to play the trivia game included in the extras), but it's about some stupid blue car and is about as forgettable as you can get with these Disney cartoons. Certainly wasn't worth going through the trouble to find. They also have some gimmick on the disc that lets you read the Sleepy Hollow story or have it read to you, but I think it's just a Disney version of it, so it's rather useless. (Didn't you just sit through the movie? Couldn't you just go to the library for the real story?)