MonsterHunter's Guide to Bruno Mattei

Italian director Bruno Mattei has toiled in just about every genre quickie Italian cinema has to offer. His films are marked by big laughs and by budgets that are so small, he sometimes shoots movies back to back with the same crew and in one case even shot a film during the day while his frequent collaborator, Claudio Fragasso, shot one at night with the same equipment. Beginning in the industry as an editor, Bruno eventually moved up to direct his own movies in the 1970s starting out in the Nazi and Emanuelle genres. Proving that just because you get your start directing bottom of the barrel trash, doesn't mean you ever have to move up to anything better, Bruno branched out into zombies, sharks, cannibals, and post-apocalyptic junk in the 1980s and 1990s. He continues to make movies to this day, seemingly alternating between new doses of scuzzy cannibal action and scuzzy sexploitation fare. A text file containing all the Bruno Mattei reviews on this website in one easy to save or print format is available here.

Cruel Jaws (1996) - In this movie about a tiger shark engineered by the United States Navy to be the perfect killing machine, Bruno does all of us who haven't gotten to see Enzo Castellari's The Last Shark a big favor by cribbing all the action scenes from that movie! I suppose that's what passes for either an homage in Italian cinema or as karmic justice since Enzo was roundly criticized for ripping off Jaws with his own movie. At least Bruno had the decency to wait 20 years before doing so! And just so no one could accuse him of just stealing from Jaws or The Last Shark, Bruno also manages to use the fanfare from Star Wars! The fact that the movie features a guy that looks like Hulk Hogan only cements its status as "essential Bruno."

Hell of the Living Dead (1981) - Bruno anticipates the whole "New World Order" whining right wing freaks periodically trot out as the reason for all the ills in our world by making the United Nations the villain in this story of a zombie outbreak in New Guinea. Population control is the name of the game here with a very friendly sounding "Project Sweet Death" at the center of things. Bruno takes all the usual zombie antics and gives them his own gloss by incorporating some crossdressing and nude anthropology into the proceedings. Bruno even knows enough to tack on the completely expected shock ending! Also known as Virus and Night of the Zombies, it's another winner for your collection.

Land of Death (2003) - One of two cannibal movies Bruno made in 2003, Land of Death demonstrates that he hasn't lost a step in all these years! With the Filipino jungles standing in for the Amazon, Bruno keeps things moving along in telling this tale of a military mission into cannibal country gone horribly wrong. I mean, horribly right! The satisfaction the viewer derives from the disgusting death scenes of the annoying characters essayed by abominable actors will make you forgive the fact that somehow, Bruno seems to be working with an even smaller budget than usual! Plus some monkey testicles get eaten! A must have.

The Other Hell (1980) - Bruno hits nunsploitation territory here, focussing on the mysterious deaths of some nuns which bring Father Valerio to a convent to investigate. Father Valerio is up against pure evil as he faces down a medium-sized dog and sees a chicken get it's head chopped off! There's also a nice scene where a nun's baby is being boiled. Bruno demonstrates a sense for the cutting edge in this film by having Father Valerio use a video camera during his investigation. Since this is a Bruno Mattei movie though, he uses the camera to record another character's flashback sequence. It also doesn't hurt that Claudio Fragasso is along for the ride either.

Rats: Night of Terror (1983) - One of Mattei's masterpieces boasts the inspired pairing of natural enemies (rats and bikers) in a world where nothing is as it seems (guinea pigs are painted to look like rats). After this rowdy band of rats eats their motorcycle tires, the bikers take refuge inside a building and attempt to survive the night! As the rats get hungrier, the tension in the biker gang mounts until that terrible moment when the secret of the people that live underground is revealed! Neck kerchiefs and studded headbands are the order of the day and the film features the best death by rats inside a sleeping bag scene of all time! No, it doesn't make any sense. And no, it doesn't get any better than this.

Robowar (1988) - Mix a little Predator, a little Robocop, and a whole bunch of stuff getting shot and blown up and you have the second best Reb Brown-Bruno Mattei team up movie ever! Reb leads a special forces team into the jungle to discover what happened to a previous force and ends up having to do battle with Omega One, the most perfect killing machine ever developed by the U.S. military. Well, perfect except for the fact that it's gone out of control! That and it resembles a guy in a black leather jump suit with shoulder pads and motorcycle helmet. The war between Omega One and Reb turns unexpectedly personal once Omega's One secret origin is revealed.

Shocking Dark (1990) - In the near future, Venice has become uninhabitable! A group of soldiers called the Megaforce must go into it and rescue some scientists holed up in their labs. Along the way, they run into monsters and cyborg treachery! Once it's revealed that an evil corporation has caused all this in an effort to corner the market on Venetian real estate, it's a race not only against time, but through time itself to survive! Features lots of sluggish action in a power plant's basement that Bruno redeems with his "salute" at the end of the movie to The Terminator. I have to be honest and give this one an "A-" instead of the usual Mattei "A." Hey, I've got my credibility to think of.

Strike Commando (1987) - Jungle action that sees Bruno firing on all cylinders, thanks chiefly to a fine performance from Reb Brown. You'll see Reb kill stuff. You'll see Reb fight a big Russian (twice!). You'll see Reb comfort a dying native boy with his now classic speech about Disneyland and popcorn trees. You'll see Reb cracking wise about the big Russian's metal teeth. You'll see slow motion headbutts. You'll see a death match atop a waterfall. You'll see guys kick each other in the nuts. You'll see Reb track down the evil Colonel Radek years later and shot him with rocket launcher. In short, you will see everything you have ever wanted to see in a movie.

Strike Commando 2 (1988) - The inevitable sequel has Brent Huff replacing Reb Brown as the Strike Commando du jour. It can't help but be a trade down, but as a guy following in the footsteps of a legend, Huff acquits himself quite well. Besides, Bruno knows that Huff will need some back up with Reb's departure, so he lines up Oscar-nominated Richard Harris and a bunch of ninjas! That's nothing though compared to the daring escape that Huff makes on a hooker bus. And just for good measure, Bruno throws in a bar-owning female sidekick for Huff to bicker with! It may not be Strike Commando, but it is without a doubt the next best thing!

Violence In A Women's Prison (1982) - This is the one where Laura Gemser who plays a reporter named Emanuelle throws a pail of poop on some prison guards. This was one of two women in prison movies Bruno made back to back with the same cast and crew and it's the one with the best spoon-stabbing scene. There's also a prisoner with a pet cockroach and a men's prison right across the street. Clearly, Bruno is on top of his game with this one. Emmanuel is undercover in an attempt to reveal the poor conditions at this particular prison and this somehow involves her hooking up with an escaped male prisoner for a heavy duty make out session after they escape. It's Bruno doing what Bruno does best.

Women's Prison Massacre (1983) - This is the one where Laura Gemser plays a prisoner who gets involved with arm wrestling matches, wig-pulling fights in the shower room, knife fights in the prison yard, and a messy game of Russian Roulette. There's also four of Italy's roughest and toughest male prisoners on the loose at the women's prison for reasons that only make sense to Bruno. This also the movie that shows you how a cork and razor blade can be a very effective form of self-defense if used properly. Every bit the scuzzfest as Violence In A Women's Prison, just make sure to get the unrated version for maximum scuzziness.

Zombi 3 (1988) - This has to go in the category of "no good deed goes unpunished" as Bruno steps in to finish this film when Lucio Fulci wimped out and quit because he didn't like the script. Didn't like the script? Does he think that Bruno even works with scripts? What a prima donna! In any event a briefcase full of gas called "Death One" is the cause of this particular outbreak and the film features such dead end ideas as the DJ who constantly interrupts the action with his mindless prattle. I just chalked up all the lame parts to Lucio and the cool parts like when a head flies out of refrigerator to Bruno. Required viewing for Bruno scholars only.