Scorpio One (1997)
Back when I was a kid, comic books weren't all about mini-series, hardcover collections, graphic novels or anything special beyond the double-sized annual. I read a lot of Spider-Man in between 1975 and 1985 so the special events I would get consisted mainly of Aunt May trying to die every three months or so. Or the debut appearance of the Rocket Racer. That was pretty special, too. However, there actually was something mega-special that rolled around every once in awhile - the over-sized treasuries.
Marvel and DC used to put these bad boys out for a buck or two (when regular comics were about 30 or 35 cents) and sometimes they featured reprints of old stuff, movie adaptations, and Christmas comics. The best treasuries though were the ones that told the tales I had already made up in my mind - Superman vs. Wonder Woman, Batman vs. Hulk, and of course Superman vs. Spider-Man. And the best of the best had to be when Superman took on Muhammad Ali! I mention all this because Scorpio One quite unexpectedly turns into a Treasury-style clash of action titans! On a space station!
Jeff Speakman (The Perfect Weapon, The Expert, Deadly Outbreak) plays Jared Stone, a special forces kind of a guy, who's sent up to the Scorpio One space station on a secret mission following some deadly activity aboard it. We know he's capable of the rough stuff a movie starring Speakman needs to be awash in because we see him freeing a POW in Iraq and killing some guys doing it. He also gets his partner killed, but he does valiantly attempt take him with him, but the stupid guy on their helicopter holds Speakman back as they lift off into the air! Noooooooo! (Speakman would later get another partner rubbed out on the Scorpio One and also tried to save him, but wasn't allowed to. Poor Speakman can't catch a break!)
Speakman leads a team of Army Rangers up to the Scorpio One aboard a Space Shuttle piloted by a couple of astronauts. But there's a rotten apple or four among all the people on the Shuttle (there's as many bad guys as good guys on the flight!) and it isn't long before dudes are having their helmets unsealed accidentally, depressurized in an air lock accidentally, or cutting Speakman's air hose accidentally. Hey, this space business is a risky business! I've seen that Apollo 13 movie, so I know!
When the bad guys finally reveal their hand and you realize who their leader is, you'll have no choice but to watch the rest of the movie about a foot away from your TV while standing! And facing off against low-budget American action film legend Jeff Speakman is low budget Italian action film legend Brent Huff! Brent fricking Huff? Three time Bruno Mattei survivor from Cop Game, Born To Kill, and Strike Commando 2? Huffbo vs. Kenpo? That's like Aliens vs. Predator vs. the Terminator vs. Robocop, but for guys who are super bad ass!
And I'm here to tell you that this clash wasn't some lame tease. Speakman and Huff go toe to toe all across this space station! Speakman wails away on Huff with a fire extinguisher and uses his Kenpo super powers to inflict a lighting fast pummeling to Huff's skull! But then again, you've got to remember that Huff was probably the only guy in the universe who could have taken over for the original Strike Commando (Rebbo of course) and not been laughed off the screen! You better believe that Huff gave as good as he got! At least before Speakman whupped him into air lock and shucked his evil ass out into space!
All of which by itself would put Scorpio One into anyone's "10 Best Low Budget Action Movies Starring Guys That Sound Familiar For Some Reason" list. Except that I haven't even mentioned the star of Scorpio One. But you're saying that I've already mentioned Speakman and Huff! Sure, but I'm talking about the guy who gets top billing. A guy named Carradine. As in Robert Carradine. As in Revenge Of The Nerds Robert Carradine! What?!? Nerds! On a space station!
Carradine plays an astronaut who ends up helping Speakman out during their battle with the traitorous Army Rangers! I'll be the first to admit I was skeptical when I realized that Lewis from the Tri-Lams was going to be mixing it up with a couple of my Silver Screen idols, but damned if that nerd didn't hold his own! I dare anyone to watch the scene where a mortally wounded Carradine sacrifices himself so that Speakman can escape in an Apollo capsule back to Earth and he and Speakman shake hands while Speakman wishes him well "on the other side." I'm sobbing as I type this! And then Carradine and his commander salute each other! Most powerful moment in my life ever!
The actual story is idiotic which is to be expected from the writer and the director of Speakman's killer satellite punch in the nads flick Memorial Day. It involves a floppy disc with notes on how to achieve cold fusion and I never figured out just why the guy at the beginning of the movie had to sabotage everything when he could have just stolen the disc or copied it.
Even worse are all the Earthbound scenes detailing the scheming of NASA and a senator to outwit each other in something or other. It has zero bearing on the story and forces Speakman to participate in a flat ending where he watches an old fart drive a car off an overpass. The movie should have ended when Speakman and friends successfully splashed down in the ocean in their escape capsule. In any case, this is the sort of movie where a guy who doesn't know how to fly a shuttle tries to fly it back to Earth anyway! Without all the heat shielding on it! I wouldn't mind though if Scorpio One was the in-flight movie! Good luck on the other side, pal!