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 They say that this is the most popular Hollywood musical and that it is a
"lavish production". The film depicts a time when the movie industry was
making the switch from silent films to talkies. Lina Lamont is a "silent movie
queen whose unappealing voice nearly forces her producer to scrap" her next
movie, which is going to be a talkie. Gene Kelly is her leading man, Don
Lockwood and sings love songs for "aspiring singer Kathy Seldon." They quote
the Saturday Review as saying that this film has "just about everything you could ask for in a
musical." 1952, 103 minutes, VHS
You know, if Milli Vanilli had watched this movie, Milli wouldn't have punched
his own ticket and Vanilli wouldn't have ended up dating Tonya Harding or
whatever it is he's up to these days. When I sat down to watch this Gene Kelly
musical, I was surprised that the subject matter was still as relevant today as
it was back when they made it. This isn't some musty, idealized version of
show biz where questionable types jump around singing about how much they love
the movies or how great the state fair is or about how much rain is in Spain or
whatever. You've got the man's man of musicals, Gene Kelly, as an
self-centered silent movie star confronted by the birth of the talkie and the
apparent disdain a woman that he likes has for him. The thing about Gene is
that he isn't one of those singing and dancing types that is so thin, it makes
us regular guys nervous. Co-star Donald O'Connor is that thin and that along
with his character's name (Cosmo) makes us realize that Gene can rest assure
that Cosmo is going to concentrate on making the best durn musical numbers and
not mess around with Debbie Renyolds (love interest Kathy Seldon). The movie
takes a refreshingly jaundiced view of Hollywood, showing it for the money
driven enterprise it is, no different than trying to sell people cars or beer.
It acknowledges that art has no place in the whole system of movie making and that the main concern is
how to keep the brainless public coming back to the same stars doing the same
movie over and over again. This attitude that pervades movie helps keep it
feeling fresh and assures us that it won't sink into a sentimental gloss on
"putting on the show." I was worried that I was going to be in for another
lumbering musical beast that spun its wheels in crappy musical numbers while
saddled with a uninteresting love story and forgettable participants. I'm of
course referring to Carousel, a musical I watched about a year ago, but didn't review then because I kept
falling asleep during it. You remember that one, it starred that one guy, um,
the one who did that other thing, uh, well it took place at a carny! That I do
remember, it was a musical about carny rats or something!  I'm not going to bull crap you here. I can't say that I was too impressed with
this movie when it first got under way. Sure, I heard from everyone that this
was a classic and that it was perhaps the best musical of all time (haven't
they ever seen Annie or Newsies?), but I was understandably a bit reserved in my enthusiasm. This was a movie
after all that they conjured up after they had some songs. And the theme song
was about some goof who was either too drunk or too stupid to come in out of
the rain. Since I was watching it on VHS, I knew that if it reeked and I had
to put it in the microwave like I did with Carousel (which was a DVD), it would
probably just melt without sparks or anything. Things got off to a
questionable start as we were whisked to the premiere of the latest Don
Lockwood/Lina Lamont film. It is 1927 and The Jazz Singer won't be released
for a few weeks yet, so Lockwood (Kelly) and Lamont (Jean Hagen) are silent
film stars. At the premiere, they have one of those useless creatures nowadays
called "an entertainment reporter" standing around interviewing celebrities as
they make their arrival on the red carpet. I know most of you are either in
unfulfilling employment or haven't had a job since Reagan fired all the air
traffic controllers, but is there a bigger waste of carbon-based life forms
then the entertainment reporter? When they're sitting there in those cheesy
little interview rooms with the movie star, surrounded by a big poster for
their latest flop and they're listening to John Travolta talk about how his new
film Domestic Disturbance is a thriller with relevance and how playing the part of the goody goody dad
saving his son from a whacked out step father was more challenging then
stinking up the joint in Swordfish, how do these perky dopes not just stand up and start shooting everyone in the
studio? Of course, that probably pales in comparison to the numb nuts that
stand around at these premieres reporting breathlessly that a movie star is
actually going to one of his own films and has tricked his famous buddies to do
likewise (probably only with the promise of free booze at the after -parties).
So anyway, this woman is babbling on and on about the stars coming to see this
new flick and then Lockwood and Lamont show up and Lockwood starts telling us
about how he came to be a star and I was cringing because he was saying stuff
like he performed in front of his parents and their friends and that he was
raised on the classics. Just when I was wishing I had sprung for the picture
in picture thing in a VCR (maybe there's a twenty year old college football
game on ESPN Classics) they flash back to Lockwood's early life and we see that
performing in front of his parents' friends meant singing and dancing in a pool
hall and that being raised on the classics meant he and Cosmo snuck into lurid
horror movies. Wiping the sweat from my brow, I realized that this movie
wasn't going to be one of those serious epics about making it (like Glitter wanted to be, but couldn't, because it was so funny) and that they were going
to play it smart. Then I heard Lina
Lamont talk and that cinched everything.  To say that her voice is off-putting is to say to that Hockey Dad is a bit high
strung. Describing Lina's voice is difficult to put into words except that we
all know how awful Rosie Perez's voice is and how we'd rather hear a fork
dragged across a chalkboard than listen to her yammer. Well Lina's voice is
like that only about ten times worse. It is as they say, "the perfect voice
for silent films." Since this is 1927 and Hollywood is on the eve of the sound
era, you can see the problems that are going to arise once the public gets wind
of Lina's wailing on screen. The studio realizes what a crime against nature
they have on their hands so they let Lockwood do all the talking for her. But
wait, Lina's hellish voice isn't really the only thing going against her.
She's one of those stars with an inflated ego, but who is deep down, really
just a big old jerk. Lockwood has an inflated ego as well, but deep down he's
a good guy, so we root for him to succeed and find happiness, while we root for
Lina to fall beneath the wheels of a trolley and be dragged for several
excruciating blocks. Later that night, after the premiere, Lockwood car jacks
a woman and her car to escape mobs of screaming fans. The woman is Kathy
Seldon and she plays it off like she doesn't know who he is or that she ever
goes to the movies (Is she some kind of commie symp?). Lockwood is a bit put
out by the fact that she thinks his work is cruddy and repetitive and that she
doesn't adore him like the rest of the world. Later he ends up at the party
after the premiere and she is one of the dancers there to entertain the
partygoers. Her job is to jump out of a cake and shimmy around, but it's not
what you're thinking because she's not exactly someone like say, Alyssa Alps,
or Misty Mountains or one of the other greats of that particular biz. Lockwood
sees this and laughs and things go down hill from there as Kathy ends up
chucking a pie into Lina's face (she was aiming at Lockwood). Naturally,
Lockwood can't get her out of his mind, he being one of those sick freaks that
enjoys it when people tell him that he sucks (of course she doesn't really
think that at all, she was just playing him) and he starts to try and figure
out what he can do about the fact that all his movies reek with the sameness
that someone like a Van Damme must be familiar with. His childhood buddy Cosmo
is a song and dance man like Lockwood, but works behind the scenes as a piano
player for the movies. For my money, he had the most memorable musical number
when he's backstage doing the "Make 'Em Laugh" bit that has him
running all over the place and culminates him doing some kind of Jet Li thing
where he runs up the side of the wall and does a flip off of it (Gene must have
hated him!) Cosmo tries to get Lockwood to chill out, but Lockwood can't
forget Kathy and tries in vain to locate her over the next several weeks.  Filming begins on the next Lockwood/Lamont opus, The Dueling Cavalier
while The Jazz Singer is released. When shown to members of Lockwood's studio, the idea of a movie
with sound is dismissed as a gimmick and as vulgar. Soon though, the receipts
for The Jazz Singer come in and it's a hit and so everyone in Hollywood rushes their own talkies
into production (kind of like that 3-D fad in the 1950s) and The Dueling Cavalier is no exception. The only problem is that Lina's voice is awful, the
dialogue for the film is non-existent (Lockwood just says he'll ad lib his
usual line "I love you" over and over again") and Lina can't understand that
she needs to say her lines into a microphone. When the movie is screened for
preview audiences, it's right there in Ed Wood territory - hilarious in its
incompetence. You've got Lina's bad voice, the pathetic recording of it, and
Lockwood's hammy lines. The audience leaves saying that it was the worst movie
of all time and that they never want to see another Lockwood/Lamont film again.
Lockwood is crushed and feels like his career is over. Luckily, he has found
Kathy by this time, wooed her with a fancy song on a giant soundstage (the song
is generic, but it's neat to see Kelly turning on the stage lights, wind
machines, and all the other tricks used to make a scene taking place outdoors
look okay even though it was shot inside). She and Cosmo try and comfort him
and someone decides that they should make The Dueling Cavalier into a musical. This leads to some more singing and dancing by all three of
them (sometimes when you come up with a great idea, you just gotta dance!) and
the next morning they sell the head of the studio on the idea. The only
problem is that Lina has no talent to either sing and dance. That's solved
when Kathy agrees to sing over Lina on the soundtrack and to have Lockwood do
all the dancing while Lina just sits there. Lina doesn't seem to mind this,
once she finds out and uses some "only in the movies" contract clause to
prevent the studio from telling anyone that she wasn't singing. In fact, she
claims that her contract prevents the studio from doing any publicity on her
that she doesn't approve of so if anyone says something bad about her, she'll
sue. I understand that, but what is to stop Kathy, Lockwood, or Cosmo from
making comments on their own? They don't have a contract with Lina. Lina
eventually demands that Kathy do all the singing for her in future movies and
that Kathy never have her own career. She's such a clueless and mean boob that
you're just salivating for her to get her comeuppance. Lina is revealed for the talentless bore she is at the premiere of the musical
version of The Dueling Cavalier. After the movie ends, she demands to make a
speech. Lockwood tells her to go right ahead. She does and everyone hears how
awful her voice is (Didn't anyone remember how bad it was during the previews
of the non-musical version?) so the audience demands that she sing a song, like
she did in the movie. Lockwood tells Kathy to get behind the curtain and sing
for her. She agrees, but is plenty pissed that he isn't standing up to Lina.
Then while Lina is out front singing, Lockwood, Cosmo, and the studio head
raise the curtain revealing that Kathy is the real singer. Lockwood then gives
Kathy all the credit and we see them later in front of a billboard for some
movie they made together called Singin' In The Rain. Like that would happen in the real world. This was a fun look at old time
Hollywood (not to be confused with "old time hockey," Slapshot fans) that benefits from the strong dance numbers that Kelly and O'Connor
have. The dancing here works because these guys are all over the place and
you're amazed at both the energy and the precise movements both of them are
able to pull off in some pretty physical environments. You've got people
falling
over couches, running up and down stairs, jumping on lamp posts and climbing up
walls. The title number happens a little over an hour into things and it's a
nice expression of someone that has found the love of their life and is so
carefree and happy that the rain is okay and in fact is something to sing and
dance in. It's well done, but I still like O'Connor's earlier "Make 'Em Laugh"
number. Catchy song, amazing footwork, and some falling down. He knew where
his bread was buttered (well, that and in all those talking mule movies). The
singing and dancing serve to compliment a good story about a guy finding love
and learning to be true to himself (he's always been a song and dance man -
that's where his real talent lies, not in the cookie-cutter melodramas he's
been churning out with Lina) in a Hollywood that cares only about money. The
behind the scenes stuff on the movie sets are fun to watch and you see things
that you've always suspected were true, like they way Lockwood tells Lina he
would rather kiss a lizard rather than her during one of their love scenes.
(You don't think that any woman would willingly kiss Kevin Spacey, do you?. He
does kiss, right? I haven't seen The Shipping News.). Anyone that likes musicals has probably already seen Singin' In The Rain and anyone that
has any interest in the movie making process should see it. It may not be a
musical about carny rats, but it's still a good time (though that trick of
running up the wall and flipping is a lot tougher than it looks - I guess I can
say goodbye to that security deposit on my trailer).
Reviews © 2004
MonsterHunter
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