X - The Man With The X-Ray Eyes (1963) Ray Milland, known to Oscar voters for his superb portrayal of an alcoholic
writer in The Lost Weekend and known to most of us for his superb portrayal of Frankie Avalon's dad in
the end of the world laugher, Panic In Year Zero, stars in this Roger Corman movie about a doctor who decides to go and invent
a serum that would allow him to see a lot better than ever before. Dr. James
Xavier is one of those doctors that's content to while away the day tormenting
monkeys by dumping urine-colored eye drops in their eyes, test out his serum
and then shake his head when the monkey lays down in the cage and takes a
dirtnap. This serum that Xavier has is called "X" (at least that's what it says
on the bottle) and it is supposed to make people be able to see through walls,
and
paper, and most importantly to us men, clothes. It's hard to believe that
Corman managed to squeeze a movie out of a concept most of us are familiar with
through the ads located at the back of old comic books, next to the Charles
Atlas and Sea Monkey offers, but this is Corman and he manages to get about 79
minutes of x-ray vision action out of Ray.
Now as you might imagine, even
those sick freaks that fund all this unnecessary scientific research eventually
get bored paying for a growing pile of monkey carcasses. So they send up this
blonde chick who is a doctor named Diane Fairfax to goad Xavier into killing
something other than monkeys. She tells him that the Foundation (what
foundation is this anyway? The Foundation For Blind Monkeys?) wants to know if
he is making any progress apart from inventing deadly monkey eye drops. In
fact,
the Foundation wants to see Xavier tomorrow and he'd better have something
to report other than that his freezer is full of monkey meat. All of us know
what this means. It's time for a little self-experimentation!  Xavier convinces a doctor buddy of his to give him the eye drops and at first
things seem to be okay, what with Xavier being able to see through papers and
through his doctor buddy's clothes (cut that out!), then he goes unconscious
and it is up to his doctor buddy and Diane Fairfax to appear in front
of the Foundation to make the case to keep funding Xavier. I think we all can
guess how that meeting went down. "Um, well we've been having a lot success
killing monkeys and just yesterday our chief researcher lapsed into a coma
after taking the serum, so I'd have to say that this stuff is about ready to
market. We just need a little more cash to fine tune it a bit."
Xavier's funding is cut faster than Ray Milland could cash the check for making
this movie. Xavier comes out of his coma in time to learn the bad
news. He is reassigned to non-mad scientist duties at the hospital (surgery,
rounds, pumping nurses) and agrees to help out his doctor boss the next day
with a little girl's operation. Xavier keeps using the drops and is able to
see into the little girl and notices that his boss' diagnosis is incorrect. He
tries to get the boss to change the operation, but he refuses. So Xavier does
what any of us psychopaths out there would do and slices the doctor's hand with
a scalpel during the operation. Then Xavier takes over and saves the girl.
This
doesn't bode well for his employee of the month award he was hoping to get for
killing the most chimps in a research project. What's really stupid though is
his boss' response to all this. First he complains that what Xavier did is
probably all over the hospital and maybe even in the papers. Then he says that
Xavier is going to be sued for malpractice! For saving a kid's life? This
boss sounds like he's letting his pride get in the way of a good result. So
you had your operating hand slashed. Don't get in the way of a whacko with
x-ray vision. At this point, Xavier, his doctor buddy, and the blonde doctor
are all in his office and somehow or other, Xavier's pal ends up going out the
window of the tenth floor or something. It may have had something to do with
Xavier pushing the guy out of the way and out the window but who can really
say. Xavier and his chick know it was an accident and that his doctor pal was
always a real klutz when it came to getting pushed out of tenth-story windows,
but who's going to believe a doctor with x-ray eyes and a blonde?  The time has come for Dr. Xavier to go on the run. The next thing we know, we
see
Xavier doing a mind reading gimmick under the name of Mentallo at a carnival
run by Don Rickles! Corman, you've done it again! Rickles is the carnival
barker who hypes up Mentallo's shows and gets an opportunity to fire off some
choice insults at various carny guests. This is an unexpected bonus, because
you get to see that even way back in the early sixties that Rickles wasn't
funny and ranks up there with Bobcat Goldthwait as far as actor/comedians go.
This segment is amusing because you get to see Oscar-winner Ray Milland dressed
up in a gold get up that resembles Chinese pajamas and has this blindfold with
one giant blue eye stretched across his head.
Mentallo, I mean Xavier, goes
through this Carnac gimmick for awhile until Rickles is convinced that Xavier
really has some special power. At this point, Rickles decides that there can
be more money made beyond the carny act and suggests that he and Xavier go into
business together as some type of healer. Rickles sets up an office for Xavier
in the city and slowly the word gets out that Xavier has some type of ability
to see what's wrong with the sick. They don't charge for this service, but
Rickles asks that people "donate" what they can. All the while Xavier is still
taking the drops and trying to do research on them. Xavier tires of looking at
yucky sick poor people all day and gets an attitude problem (which frankly,
he's had the whole picture). His blonde girlfriend reappears and he and she
decide to run off together. Rickles knows Xavier is wanted for murder and
chases after them in the street shouting "Murderer! Murderer!" and sics the
police on Xavier. Afterward, Rickles slinks back to a nightclub career of
insults and put downs that only a hockey puck would find even mildly
humorous. Xavier realizes that to make his dream come true to, uh, what exactly is he
trying to do? Is he trying to perfect this X stuff and make it more reliable?
Is he trying to find a way to cure his own condition? Does he have a hankering
for snuffing more baboons? Xavier knows he needs money for whatever it is he
is going to do. So he and the little lady (what is wrong with her?) decide to
head for Vegas! You get some exterior shots of Vegas and then we go into this
real low-rent casino set that resembles a Knights of Columbus casino night
rather than the Mirage or the Sands. Xavier tries his hand at the one-armed
bandits (he can see when it's ready to hit the jackpot) and then rolls up to
the blackjack table where he proceeds to win a bunch of money by looking
through the cards. I didn't really get this, because in addition to always
being able to see the cards the dealer had, Xavier also always seemed to have
21. Just because you know what card is coming doesn't mean you're going to
have a good hand every time.  This one was probably more entertaining than it deserved to be. Ray Milland
isn't
really a very sympathetic character (crabby old guys rarely are) but he gives
you some moments here and there. It's funny to watch Milland at a party
checking out the girls (and guys!) who he can see all naked and dancing and
it's
even better when he tries to dance the twist or whatever nerdy dance they did
back before they knew what the tush push and achy-breaky were. There's also
another scene where he is blatantly checking out the package on his doctor boss
while they're scrubbing up for the operation on the little girl. Good stuff
there!
The story is one familiar to anybody who's seen The Invisible Man or any number of other experiment-drives-experimenter-insane movies that were
(and are) churned out with regularity. This one stands out, because you've got
Milland giving it his all (pretty impressive considering some of the material
he has to spew out) and because this movie also is a bit of a road-trip type
affair. Xavier doesn't just mope around the lab or terrorize dames at an inn
or in a country village. He does what most of us only fantasize about doing.
He's looking at naked people! He's pushing people out windows! He's running
off to join the carnival! He's taking his broad to Vegas! He's totaling his
car! He's crashing a tent revival! For an old coot, he's still got a lot of
get up and go in him. All these events help to liven up what would otherwise
be a pretty standard affair and serve to propel an admittedly thin story
along (really, if you had that ability, would you waste it as a sideshow freak?
And does that stuff about being a "healer" make any sense at all? I mean,
isn't he trying to keep a low profile?). It would have been nice to see him
use his talents for something more interesting than looking at sick people and
playing cards. It isn't the best Corman and it's not one of the worst, but it
will get you through unscathed (well, except for the Rickles segments).
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