This DVD is a lot like that Tiny Tim sob story at the end of it – lame and propped up by only one good leg. It is ironic then that Tiny Tim’s segment in this, another gimpy attempt by Disney to trick you into making a holiday donation to their coffers, is the best part of this lump of video coal. Read More

The idea of a Walt Disney Christmas movie seems to be a win-win proposition. The legions of Disney zombies out there would gladly eat up a cartoon that featured classic characters such as Donald Duck, Mickey Mouse, Chip and Dale, and Pluto in a Christmas setting. More importantly of course is that for the Walt Disney Company, it would surely be a gold mine for them, guaranteeing sales every Christmas for years to come. Mickey’s Once Upon A Christmas would be the ideal result of such a concept except that it sucks Nestor the Long Eared Donkey’s balls. Read More

Throughout history legends have played an important role in passing down information and values to succeeding generations. Whether it was Washington Irving’s The Legend Of Sleepy Hollow teaching us that the jocks will always exercise supremacy over the nerds, the legend of Johnny Appleseed who pioneered the tin pot-as-hat craze of the mid 1950s, all the way up to more recent tales such as The Legend of Billie Jean which taught us that Helen Slater really did peak with Supergirl, our need to spin yarns of bigger than life heroes, deeds, and blue oxen are a window into our national identity. But of all the stories a young and bustling land vomited forth upon the cold prairie nights, it is the legend of the candy cane that has captured the imagination of Americans more than any other! Read More

What do you need to know about this, the twenty-sixth animated feature from Walt Disney? Just that while there were at least five books starring Basil, the mouse detective, there has only been just this one single movie based on those books. Not a sequel, not a Saturday morning television series, not an icecapades version or Broadway show, not even one of those money-grubbing straight to video knock-offs that pop up like a polyp on a middle-aged guy’s colon. Read More

Fritz is a student at NYU, though like most of these pampered college kids he never actually goes to class. Of course, even if he did, he’d just have those left-wing professors feeding them that anti-American, anti-Christian crap these pinko infested campuses are bastions for. Instead of being brainwashed in class though, Fritz heads to the park with his guitar and a couple of buddies, but their band only really goes into action when some big-bootied gals wander by, showing us that they have what it takes to be rock stars! Read More

From the four corners of the world, eight cyborgs leave their current civilian lives, putting their dreams of being a race car driver, ballerina, and bull fighter (what?) on hold so that they might help one of their own and also to save Earth! Once they join forces, the greatest super team of all team is back in action! Yes true believer, your suspicions are well-founded! The dream is alive and well! Finally after twenty-five years, the Galaxy Legion has reunited to combat evil, to cast light upon the dark, and to find out how 006’s career as a matador is working out! Read More

In space no one can hear you scream “filler episodes!” Volume 2 of the Cosmo Warrior Zero saga features episodes 5-8 of the thirteen episode series and is highlighted by space pirate Captain Harlock’s giant guard cow rampaging through a wild west town. Usually, those sort of bovine antics would be enough to unhesitatingly recommend the title (even if there was never any of the expected giant cow pie scenes that such a creature promised), but while the story even has a midget killing the giant cow with a bazooka, things grind to a halt when they haul out that most tired of cliches whenever someone is hunting someone else that they secretly respect. Read More

I picked this particular title up out of the steaming heap of anime that generally featured big-eyed ten year old girls in short cheerleader skirts fighting off horny demons with lots of frisky tentacles because I thought it would be cool instead of deviant. Don’t get your hopes up though, this one isn’t deviant either. Whatever possessed me to think that any kind of anime could be cool? Two words: space pirates! Read More

Generally speaking, a movie containing not one, but two scenes of urination would not receive a good review from this viewer. Some things are best left to the imagination. This film though somehow manages to make it work. Read More

The only question I have is where in the hell was Pig Pen? That stinky little fellow is the only reason anyone watches these adventures of an ugly, bald whiner and his weirdo friends. You would think that Charlie Brown would have the decency to invite his dirty buddy to Thanksgiving dinner, but alas, I guess this holiday is for clean people only. If I were Pig Pen, I’d be glad that I was having my own Thanksgiving dinner down at the shelter or wherever it is that filthy freak lives, because Chuck is usually busy celebrating his big pity party regardless of what holiday the calendar says it actually is. Read More