MonsterHunter

What follows is my rickety and probably half-right explanation of Emanuelle’s film career. Apparently there was once a movie called simply enough, Emmanuelle. Released in 1974, it starred Sylvia Kristel as a French broad living in Bangkok doing all sorts of things that adults do when they get horny. Sporting such a powerful plot, the movie easily spawned about seven legitimate sequels. But this isn’t our Emanuelle. You see our Emanuelle is known as the Black Emanuelle and she’s a slut of a different color. Read More »

Anthony Wong stars in this movie that is what Dustin Hoffman’s movie Outbreak should have been: a story about a raping and murdering dude that infects a bunch of people with Ebola by tricking them into eating hamburgers made out of human meat. It really isn’t as funny as it probably sounds which is a bit surprising what with all the rapes, murders, cannibalism, and the on-camera slaughter of frogs and chickens. Read More »

Still hacking our way through Italian cannibal territory, Eaten Alive is another Umberto Lenzi movie about unknown Italian actors and wayward porn stars stumbling around the jungle getting raped, chopped up and eaten. Along the way several innocent animals also get the axe. At this point in our career, having sat through any number of these movies that highlight needless animal atrocities (see also Cannibal Ferox and Cannibal Holocaust), we can barely muster up the outrage (it’s just not that interesting to write about the third go around) and we’ll merely catalog the criminal acts committed against various creatures so that the responsible viewer can beware and the messed up viewer will know if it’s worth getting. Read More »

A woman goes down to the Amazon with her brother and her best friend so that she can find proof that cannibalism never has occurred and is in fact just a cruel myth. How do you prove a negative? Let’s say she goes down there and doesn’t see any cannibalism. What does that prove? Only that on that particular day at that particular time she didn’t see any. I was never real sure about whether she had thought through this whole thing as far as her research methods go, but since this is an Italian gutmuncher I was prepared to suspend my disbelief on that count at least. Read More »

A couple of observations about Vietnam vets and post traumatic stress disorder need to be made after watching this odd hybrid of the Italian cannibal and Rambo genres. It probably would be better for your mental well-being if you are having flashbacks about how crappy the war was, specifically when your hometown buddies take a bite out of your arm when you’re rescuing them from a tiger cage, if your bedroom wasn’t adorned with photos from the war, including a really nicely framed and matted picture of a bunch of stuff blowing up. Read More »

Today was one of those days that I decided to tie up a bunch of nagging loose ends. After moving to this great state six years ago, I finally went and got myself a driver’s license. I had been avoiding doing it because I heard something about taking a stupid written test and since I had a valid license from my old home state, I was outraged that that wasn’t good enough. Read More »

This Brazil-set cannibal epic from one of your off-brand Italian auteurs (Michele Massimo Tarantini) is an entry level one meaning that normal people will be repulsed by its buffet of brutal bilge that includes dollops of violence against animals, some gut ripping, people getting shot, impaled, raped, enslaved, drowning in quicksand, dying in plane wrecks, and having their breast scratched by a triceratops claw worn by a dude with a triceratops mask on. Read More »