MonsterHunter

The movies culled from re-editing multi-part episodes of the old Disneyland TV series are a mixed bag. Some of them like Dr. Syn, Alias The Scarecrow stand with any of Walt’s theatrical projects in terms of story, production values, and execution. Others, such as The Mystery In Dracula’s Castle suffer from weak scripts and a decidedly workmanlike effort both in front of and behind the camera. Escapade In Florence falls somewhere in between these two extremes as its hampered by a lousy script, but is made bearable by the location shooting in Florence, Italy and the winning performances of stars Tommy Kirk and Annette Funicello. Read More »

I think Opie (Ron Howard) missed an important life lesson from his experiences with his magic dog named Smoke. I know Smoke was magic because every time he finished eating, he would stick his paw out for some dummy to shake. Most dogs would have gone back to eating your mom’s crusty panties after dinner, but not the super duper Smoke! Of course, he wasn’t exactly magical when he was getting his ass whipped by a couple of coyotes, but I mean Smoke was only twice their size, so what chance did he really have? But back to that bit of wisdom that Opie conveniently overlooked while he was becoming a “man” by saying hateful things to his mom and running away from home. What Smoke showed Opie, but Opie was too busy pouting to see, was how you shouldn’t trust anybody and that when you are literally a red-headed step-child like Opie was in this movie, you’re best friend will ditch you as soon as he has the chance. Read More »

For those of us that grew up with a pet seal, this movie is like a welcome trip down memory lane! All of us remember the cans of salmon pilfered from the pantry. Those nights long ago when we would hook up an impromptu shower in the tool shed for our slippery friend seem just like yesterday! And I still can’t play a game of checkers without thinking about how my pet seal would always know the best move to make! I guess all that fish really is great brain food! Read More »

It’s a tale as old as time itself! British kids are out on the marshes playing with a scarecrow when one of them puts a magic top hat on him and the next thing you know, he’s come alive, dancing and singing! Scarecrow then leads his merry band of kids on numerous adventures, teaching them valuable lessons along the way about loyalty, doing what’s right, and how to smuggle the King’s brandy without hanging for it! But alas, all good things must come to an end, and so it is with Scarecrow once spring arrives and he melts all over the swampy marshes! Or am I thinking about somebody else? Read More »

I thought I was watching a douche commercial when this movie began. With its shot of two people on a beach and its cloying “These Are The Best Times” song playing in the background, I assumed that a regular dosing of Superdad was going to refresh my most secret of places. Sadly though, I was left with that not so fresh feeling and even more incredibly, by the time Superdad complains to his daughter at her wedding that he smells, I was wishing that this was a douche commercial! Read More »

At the risk of having one of the wee folk put the come hither on me and replace my step kids with changelings, I’m going to go ahead and declare that Darby O’Gill And The Little People was nothing so much as a lot of potato-breathed blarney that even an Irishman full of cheap stout could not have enjoyed. The concept seemed sure fire enough: James Bond vs. a bunch of leprechauns, but the execution left me in such a deep snooze that not even a wailing banshee informing me of my impending demise could rouse me to so much as hit the rewind button once James Bond, his new gal pal, and her drunken toad of a father were singing in a desperate effort to coax the closing credits onscreen and finally drive a stake through this thing’s heart or however it is you kill these little goobers. Read More »

Never one to shirk my duties of monitoring the various freakish movie subcultures, I have of late been monitoring one of the oddest, the Disney enthusiasts. Prowling around their online havens, I find that they are a strangely conflicted bunch, at once complaining about the direction of the company with its concentration on computer animation, straight to home video projects and the nonconformity of all their various DVD release packaging (remember - these people are obsessive collectors, so it does make a difference if something is packaged as a Gold Edition, Platinum Edition, or Masterpiece Edition), but viciously slapping down anyone who would dare to suggest that Disney is just some money-hungry company like any other corporation that has stockholders to answer to. Read More »

The gimmick with this one is that you’ve got two cartoons being narrated by old, dead, famous guys (Basil Rathbone and Bing Crosby), one from a book over in Britain and the other from the “colonies” as Bing calls the good ole U.S. of A. This, then is another one of those movies in my favorite genre “films based on books I ain’t never read.” Read More »

Dean Jones, who appeared in every single movie the Walt Disney Company made from 1965-1975, stars as a scientist who is trying to teach animals stuff. For reasons never adequately explained, he is fixated on trying to teach an obviously dull-witted duck how to do something. His boss ridicules him for this, but once you get a gander at Dean’s home life, you begin to understand why he feels a duty to try and help the brain damaged of the animal kingdom. Read More »