Fifth films in movie series have a spotty track record. For every crappy movie like Star Trek V, there’s a movie like Hellraiser: Inferno that I can’t even remember if I’ve even seen it! Read More

If you enjoyed the delightfully incompetent Super Seven Calling Cairo and wondered where director Umberto Lenzi honed his talents in making uninspired James Bond knock offs that take place in Cairo, 008 Operation Exterminate provides the pleasingly appalling answer. It’s all here – the pointless trip to the pyramids, the tacked on trip to a colder country (this time it’s Germany instead of Switzerland), the gadgets that surely only seemed awesome to Umberto, and of course the obligatory, but quite embarrassing reference to Ian Fleming’s James Bond himself! (I’m not watching a spy movie just to see secret agent Frank Smith lounging at the hotel pool with his copy of Live and Let Die! Hell, I could do that myself and I don’t even have a license to kill!) Read More

Ahmed wears a carnation on his suit whenever he’s out and about trying to kill those who would defend and fight for freedom! He goes undercover with his sinister Chinese partner (Mei Lang) at a flower shop that magically transforms into an antiques store whenever the police come to investigate! Most diabolically of all though is that he even works on cross breeding different flowers all the while he’s got the good guys locked up in his secret lair, his hideous evil culminating when he announces the creation of a brand new flower that he calls…Oriental Sunset! Yes, that noise you just heard was Lady Liberty herself queefing her star spangled panties in sheer terror! Is there no one that can stop the flower power that threatens to engulf the democracies across the globe? (And also stop Lady Liberty from grossing us out?) Read More

We all think we know how British Intelligence works. We’ve seen the 800 or so James Bond movies where Bond gets gadgets, battles colorful larger than life villains, flirts with that dried up secretary and taps the ass of a variety of suggestively named foreign broads. Whenever the mission is so impossible that it can be done only by a dude with a license to kill who is also both a world class skier and poker player, you bring in the very best agent with a double oh designation. But what happens if the mission proves to be too hard for even James Bond to handle? Because it is so freaking lame? Enter Superseven and his license to bore! Read More

In what has to go down as one of the great disappointments in the history of cinema, at no time during director Antonio Margheriti’s Killers Are Challenged does star Richard Harrison (Giants of Rome, Messalina Against the Son of Hercules ) ever utter the phrase “the name is Fleming. Bob Fleming.” Despite being deprived of what would have certainly provoked snickers among even the actors in the scene where that line might have been uttered, the film does not disappoint in any other area as it manages to ineptly attempt to cash in on the James Bond craze of the mid 1960s with all the success of its preternaturally dimwitted lead character. You know who I’m talking about – Fleming. Bob Fleming. Read More

Seven Golden Men Strike Again (the sequel to Seven Golden Men) is mostly remembered for stealing Green Arrow’s boxing glove arrow gimmick and modifying it to be used with a bazooka. I suppose some of you would probably also remember it for such suspenseful spy moments as the times that the professor in charge of things constantly broadcasts his burps to his sexy assistant’s speaker-broach in an effort to prevent her from getting hot and heavy with the Latin American dictator she’s trying to seduce as part of a plot to kidnap him. There’s also the incident where the Professor plays some funky music over the ship’s radio as part of his getaway plan which causes the sailors on other ships who hear it to do some simple dance steps. Clearly, the world of mid 1960s Italian espionage cinema was one where thinking outside the box was as routine as using giant electromagnets on a submarine to hijack a large freighter loaded down with Russian gold! Read More