Did it really take until 1999 to make a movie where a rapper hijacked a combination flamethrower/rocket launcher from low budget action icon Frank Zagarino? Did it really take cinema 100 years or so before it was mature enough to handle a film with Zags, Gary Busey, Jeff Fahey, Pam Grier, and prolific British kickstud Gary Daniels? Some of you are surely questioning the wisdom of letting Master P direct such a classic conflagration of paycheck hungry workhorses. I would question the wisdom of NOT letting him do it! Read More

North Star should never fight Southern Cross! It was a mantra repeated throughout this, the most PUBAR (pumped up beyond all recognition) of all post-apocalyptic Gary Daniels (Heatseeker, Pocket Ninjas) flicks. Beyond the fact that I didn’t have the faintest idea what anyone was talking about though I guess it sort of made sense that a star shouldn’t fight an entire constellation, every time either Gary or his mentor, the surely embarrassed Malcolm McDowell, earnestly uttered this cryptic bit of philosophy, I became more and more convinced that if North Star ever did throw down with Southern Cross that it would be a punch-apocalyptic mess of kicks, grunts, and broken stuff! Well, it shouldn’t shake your fighting school belief system too badly to find out not only should North Star never fight Southern Cross, but that they actually beat the brown stuff out of one another twice! Read More

Do you know how I knew that Heatseeker was far-fetched science fiction? Gary Daniels got his ass kicked. Twice. The second time, he was literally destroyed despite having all the latest cybernetic implants that supposedly made him the perfect killing machine. In fact, the whole movie was built around the concept that the company that designed the implants and that Gary worked for was holding a tournament to showcase just what a perfect killing machine he was. And it turned out that he got beat worse after he gets the implants than he did in his first fight when he was still all human! Read More

Exceeding expectations. That’s where success lies in life. I think it was Rudy Guiliani who said to under promise and over deliver. I know this is true because it applies to sports and a concept that you can successfully apply to sports is one in which I have blind faith. Every week before a big football game, I have to hear the coach of my favorite team talk about how awesome his football team’s next opponent is. The guys they’re going up against are a combination Babe Ruth, Red Grange, Teddy Roosevelt, Dracula, and Zeus. Read More

Pocket Ninjas is so awful it doesn’t even cut it as a fifth choice for a movie about three young douchebag ninjas after you’ve somehow plowed through all four 3 Ninja films. Without actually subjecting yourself to its seventy or so minute running time, it’s difficult to communicate the depth of its sustained failure. Read More

This movie reaffirmed my faith in our kickboxing lord and savior, Gary Daniels. So much of Gary’s teachings involve showing us that if we bear the crosses he gives us (stupid plots, poorly executed scenes of guys flying through the air on wires, hideously untalented and unappealing co-stars), our reward will not be the eternal damnation that lesser action stars (Van Damme, Don “The Dragon” Wilson, and the Great Satan himself, Steven Seagal) routinely deliver like a cold, soggy pizza the driver spit, shat, and pissed on, but an everlasting peace brought about by his love of kicking and punching scumbag killers! Read More

The local crime boss is using a skinhead gang to capture members of a Chinese gang so that their organs can be harvested. A local cop gets a little too nosy and is snuffed out by a pair of hitmen employed by the crime boss. His step brother, Hawke, travels back to the United States from his native England to attend the funeral and decides to dig a little deeper into his step brother’s death. Hawke has some help from a Chinese buddy who knew his brother as well as his brother’s former partner, a blonde chick prone to lecturing Hawke on staying out of her investigation while standing around in a bra and leather skirt. Most of Hawke’s help though comes from the fact that he’s the very best British Special Forces marine ever! In short, this is your typical Gary Daniels movie. Thank God! Read More

Like Don “The Dragon” Wilson, Gary Daniels (Pocket Ninjas, Firepower) is a former kickboxing champion who has parlayed his titles into a film career starring in action movies no normal person has ever heard of. Like Olivier Gruner (another ex-kickboxing champ featured in a series of movies invisible to the mainstream), Gary possesses that bland, inoffensive charm that convinces you he’s a decent sort of guy who kicks ass only because he’s forced to. I mean, Gary only destroys an entire softball team after they say that he and buddy Sugar Ray Leonard are gay for each other! So parents can feel good about the positive message this film teaches about tolerance: don’t call tough guys queers! Because they won’t tolerate it! Read More