MonsterHunter

A blind girl gets a new set of peepers which allow her to see for the first time since she was a tot, but there’s a catch. Not only is she able to see the world around her for the first time in years, she also has acquired this brand new super power where she can see dead people! She can also sort of see the future. And the past. Well, someone else’s past anyway. Then there’s mysterious shadowy guy she sees that accompanies some of the dead people she sees. I felt like I could have used a brain transplant before understanding completely what was going on in this eye transplant movie. Read More »

Sometimes at work Aki sees a little boy in the movie theatre. His name is Hideki. You may recall Hideki as the name of the little freak from Evil Dead Trap that sort of lived inside his homicidal brother and ran around killing people (or was that his homicidal brother and Hideki was along for the ride?). As confusing and stupid as the Hideki character was in Evil Dead Trap, they manage to take things to a whole new level in this one. Read More »

Nami is the host a late night talk show and one of the segments they do is to feature home videos that their fans send in. It shouldn’t come as any big surprise that the kind of people who would stay up real late to watch an ugly Japanese woman do a talk show, might be a chopstick shy of a pair, if you catch my meaning. One of the viewer submitted tapes shows someone going through the city and ending up at an abandoned factory where a woman is tortured and killed. To establish that this is one of those “over the top” movies we get a nice long, loving shot of a knife going into her eyeball. Nami is horrified and does what any of us would do. She gets four members of her crew together and they follow the landmarks that were on the video tape and go to the abandoned factory. Read More »

Henry is a regular guy dressed in suit and tie and favoring the hairstyle that either Kid or Play made famous in all those great House Party movies. If you think that the movie is calledEraserhead because of his hair though, you seriously underestimate this film. Lynch has a little more up his sleeve than run-of-the-mill nicknames here. Like dinner at Henry’s ex-girlfriend’s house that features little midget dancing chickens as the main course! Read More »

Things begin ominously enough when the unseen narrator starts droning on about how cool ants are and how they can do all this great stuff like push aphids around and dig up dirt between the cracks of sidewalks. They also have this super sweet gimmick where they spray pheromones on people to make them do their bidding! Sensing an opportunity to turn this dopey giant bug movie into a learning experience, I hit the world wide web to find out if pheromones could really cause giant ants to take over the world. It looks like they actually use this stuff to communicate with each other about dangers, sex, and the location of the right ant hill. I also made the mistake of looking into our own use of pheromones and found out that it is thought pheromones released from the armpits may cause women living together to have “synchronous menstrual cycles.” Whoa, thanks for sharing! Let see those ants beat that! Read More »

Do you know what makes me so crazy that I just want to take this foot and put it upside of the head of the nearest human being, like I was Billy Jack rolling up on a scene of prejudiced locals humiliating and disrespecting the cultural heritage of the little brats that hung out at his old lady’s Freedom School? Can you even imagine what would cause me to turn my “World’s Sexiest Grandpa” baseball cap around like it was a fricking switch and roll up my sleeves like I was back on Iwo Jima, cleaning up the crud that kept me away from my lady for four long years? Maybe Monster Dog didn’t mean to cause me to take my two gunboats out of dry dock, but dang it, when the Devil starts sashaying around, wrecking all that I hold dear, you can bet your bottom dollar that I’m going to raise some hell! Read More »

What follows is my rickety and probably half-right explanation of Emanuelle’s film career. Apparently there was once a movie called simply enough, Emmanuelle. Released in 1974, it starred Sylvia Kristel as a French broad living in Bangkok doing all sorts of things that adults do when they get horny. Sporting such a powerful plot, the movie easily spawned about seven legitimate sequels. But this isn’t our Emanuelle. You see our Emanuelle is known as the Black Emanuelle and she’s a slut of a different color. Read More »

Anthony Wong stars in this movie that is what Dustin Hoffman’s movie Outbreak should have been: a story about a raping and murdering dude that infects a bunch of people with Ebola by tricking them into eating hamburgers made out of human meat. It really isn’t as funny as it probably sounds which is a bit surprising what with all the rapes, murders, cannibalism, and the on-camera slaughter of frogs and chickens. Read More »

Still hacking our way through Italian cannibal territory, Eaten Alive is another Umberto Lenzi movie about unknown Italian actors and wayward porn stars stumbling around the jungle getting raped, chopped up and eaten. Along the way several innocent animals also get the axe. At this point in our career, having sat through any number of these movies that highlight needless animal atrocities (see also Cannibal Ferox and Cannibal Holocaust), we can barely muster up the outrage (it’s just not that interesting to write about the third go around) and we’ll merely catalog the criminal acts committed against various creatures so that the responsible viewer can beware and the messed up viewer will know if it’s worth getting. Read More »

Heck, this spider wasn’t all that! It didn’t even take the entire Earth to fight it like the title promised! They should’ve called this one Egghead Professor & Redneck Sheriff vs. The Spider. Other than sounding like a spin-off from those Doll Man-Demonic Toys-Puppetmaster team ups, you can’t really argue with how much potential there is there. I can pretty much picture in my mind further adventures of our doofus duo such as Egghead Professor & Redneck Sheriff vs. Dracula, Egghead Professor & Redneck Sheriff vs. The Swamp Monster, and the drive-in favorite Egghead Professor & Redneck Sheriff at the Carnival of Terror! Read More »