I get the sense that Steven Seagal and director Don E. FauntLeRoy wound up 2005’s Today You Die, looked at what an awesome opera of action violence they wreaked and Don said to Steve, “if that’s what we could do when you’re just an armored car driver, what would happen if you were the most decorated veteran of the first Gulf War?” And Steve responded with, “and I was the leader of an elite team of mercenaries?” Don says, “that just might be one of our best projects of 2006!” Steve is nodding his chins and Don seals the deal with “have you ever been to Cape Town, South Africa, Steve?” Read More

Kenpo legend Jeff Speakman is of course famous for his legendary Kenpo movie The Perfect Weapon. He is not famous for other movies such as The Expert, Scorpio One or Deadly Outbreak. I think I knew what the hell Kenpo was back in the early 1990s, but I don’t have the slightest idea what it entails anymore. Probably something with sticks and lots of grunting and kicking. Read More

Don The Dragon Wilson, Esq. It’s the sort of phrase that conjures up a variety of dream-like images. There’s the one where Don The Dragon is doing research using Westlaw and gets so excited to find a case on point that he karate chops his secretary through the office water cooler. You could also be excused if you imagine The Dragon objecting to some bit of damning testimony so vociferously that he actually splits the counsel table in half while pounding on it for emphasis! And then there’s all those billable hours for “kicking the shit out of hostile witness” and “ex parte beat down of trial judge.” Read More

Did it really take until 1999 to make a movie where a rapper hijacked a combination flamethrower/rocket launcher from low budget action icon Frank Zagarino? Did it really take cinema 100 years or so before it was mature enough to handle a film with Zags, Gary Busey, Jeff Fahey, Pam Grier, and prolific British kickstud Gary Daniels? Some of you are surely questioning the wisdom of letting Master P direct such a classic conflagration of paycheck hungry workhorses. I would question the wisdom of NOT letting him do it! Read More

This is amateur filmmaking at its absolute worst. I realize there’s a lot of kids out there that fancy themselves filmmakers and I understand that everybody has to start somewhere. Shoot, we hear all the time about how famous filmmakers use to make stupid little movies on their super-8 cameras when they were kids. But I generally don’t have a VHS of them. Read More

Omega Cop is back! And this time he’s Karate Cop! Why? Because that’s the title of the movie! Ron Marchini, the short, stocky guy with large ears who in Omega Cop played the last of the Special Police on a planet suffering from the Greenhouse Effect, again plays John Travis in a post-apocalyptic tale of a guy obsessed with his hat! Read More

If your mom has told once, she’s told you a thousand times: do not steal Omega Cop’s hat! A group of thugs learn that lesson the hard way during one of the seminal moments of this first Omega Cop adventure! Read More

Attention dirtbag terrorists! This invasion will be fought in a pair of tight blue jeans, frequently unbuttoned denim shirt, and with a pair of Uzis that conveniently hang from a shoulder harness at the ready for whenever you animals refuse to answer questions, try to blow up churches, school buses full of innocent kids, and entire shopping malls. Oh yeah, it will also be fought by just one man! Read More

Steven Seagal stabs a guy in the neck with some chopsticks. He rams a dude’s head into a series of pachinko machines. He throws a guy out of a window. He even chops a guy’s arm off with a sword. With that laundry list of lethalness that Steve lays down in this film, I’m not quite sure where all this hate for Seagal is coming from. Read More

As soon as I saw there was an orphaned white ninja and a surly Japanese ninja lusting after the same ninja broad, I knew everyone else in the dojo would get sliced into tater tots! Read More