MonsterHunter

A lot of us guys who kicked ass over in Nam got a dose of that Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that good old sneaky Charlie was lacing their tunnels with. The severity of the PTSD seems to vary depending on the dogface. For instance, I got a fairly mild case of it. Generally, my symptoms consisting of yelling “incoming!” at the top of my lungs and diving under my desk at work whenever somebody rips a fart. Sure, it tends to hamper my upward mobility in the business world, but it isn’t exactly crippling. Plus I avoid a lot of stink, too. Read More »

So much of the Vietnam POW experience is portrayed in a negative light. There’s the obscene physical abuse as well as the unrelenting mental torture. There’s the inhuman living conditions and the years away from loved ones. There’s the uncertainty of whether you are going to live through the next morning or whether you’re going to get another meal. Then, even if there is a rescue mission mounted by a one man killing machine named Rambo or Braddock, there’s the distinct possibility that you might be one of the anonymous grubby guys who dies in the escape attempt. Read More »

Heroes In Hell gives you an up close and personal look at the lives of a group of World War II POWs. It’s up close and personal not because you get to know the characters or you are treated to a day to day examination of what life in a German prison camp entails. It’s up close and personal because most of the freaking film is shot right in these guys’ faces! And it didn’t serve to build tension or give a sense of claustrophobic suspense so much as left the viewer straining to see around everyone’s big fat skull! Read More »

“Let me tell you something. You read my fucking lips. I will never sign anything or admit to anything…that would slander my name, my God, or my country. You understand me? I loathe you. I despise everything you stand for. You’re a low life pathetic, drug-dealing, greedy, Petrovian piece of dog shit. That’s what I think of you. So if you have anything to say to me, say it right to my nuts.” Read More »

Ranking somewhere below the women-in-prison and above the nunsploitation genres, the “Nazi chicks” movies more than any other type of film make you wonder about the intended audience. I’m not one to judge anyone for what types of movies they like or don’t like, but it’s safe to say that those of you out there pining away for those heady days of the mid to late seventies when lots of aspiring actresses were willing to peroxide their hair, strap on the jackboots, and carry a riding crop like they were expecting to mount Sea Biscuit instead of some toad in an SS uniform are undoubtedly a bunch of degenerates. Whose bright idea was it to attempt to eroticize anything about a genocidal dictator and his mindless followers? And doesn’t it seem the least bit gauche that the Italians and the French would be the ones primarily responsible for these things? Read More »

Three of the cinema’s best genres are finally mixed together to produce a love child of death, dismemberment, and amputee fellatio! Taking the very finest elements of the Vietnam POW movie, the stolen Nazi gold movie, and the micro-budget mid 1980s Italian action movie, Dog Tags manages to even work in a strip club scene for no reason except that director Romano Scavolini (Nightmare In A Damaged Brain) is just that damn good! Could anything less be expected from the brother of the writer of American Rickshaw? Read More »

Is there anything better in life than watching scrappy American G.I.s outwit bumbling Nazis in WWII? Outmanned and outgunned against the German war machine, only unshaven dogfaces stand between freedom and a world where everyone would have to speak the ugliest language on the planet. Besides, can you imagine the humiliation of being ruled by the Italians of all people? Read More »

If your favorite parts of Italian war movies are the scenes of jeeps driving around some ugly foreign country, Days Of Hell will have you creaming in camos! Easily taking home the coveted title “Italian War Movie With Most Jeepage Per Minute,” Days Of Hell helmer Tonino Ricci (Rush, Rage, Raiders Of The Magic Ivory) brings an added depth to all the Jeeping around in the film, by having his crack commando team frequently jumping out of it to shoot native tribesmen and Russians. Additionally, in one Jeep-orgasmic sequence, D Team actually splits up and starts cruising around in two Jeeps! Two Jeeps? Admit it, you just got an M-16-sized chubby! Read More »